I embraced 2019 with a lot of hope, and excitement for a new year. My friend Anna was my secret Santa at the daycare this year, and one of the things she gave me was a memory jar. You write down special things all year long on little slips of paper, put them in the jar to keep, and then read them on the following New Year's Eve. I've always wanted to do one, but it got shoved to the back burner, like pretty much everything else in my life that I enjoy. (more on that later)
2019 did not start off how I had hoped. The jar sat empty for quite awhile, and then it just had a few notes in it. The winter was hard, work was stressful, we almost lost Cece to illness again. Then I realized that the love of my life was going to have to leave me.
Yes. The Mitsubishi Eclipse that I have been driving around since 2007 (it was a 2000) suddenly had a big oil leak, and too many other problems to list. It's just a car, so no big deal, right? Wrong. Very wrong. Every year I say, I just want to make it through one more winter with her, and every year I did, but when the time came I just couldn't stand the thought of being without her, and another year would go by. I was a wreck when I handed her over to the dealer, and I'm not really ever a wreck about much. She was kind of a representation of my freedom/independence. Let me try and explain.
To the world she was just an old car. Most of the black paint had faded (factory defect that I couldn't ever afford to fix) and she was starting to rust. The exhaust had a small hole for awhile, now there were at least two, and you always knew when I was arriving. She was 19 years old, and 12 of those years were spent hauling me, Leon, the kids (Auntie, you need a bigger car.), and all of the pets that I have owned in my life.
To me, she was everything. In 2007, I found myself newly divorced, on my own, starting over again, and really not wanting to be. I was driving a green Ford Escort that I hated, and had always hated. It was reliable enough in town, I had owned it seven or eight years, but I wouldn't trust it out of town anymore. Online dating was just becoming a thing in my life, and I met someone in Two Harbors, so I needed a newer set of wheels. (THAT is a whole other story that has never been in this blog.) I wasn't really sure how I was going to get a loan, or make the payment, now that I had an apartment to pay for, but as usual, I managed.
One morning I drove up to work, at that time I was still teaching preschool for the Y, and this beautiful, shiny, black sporty looking car was parked in a parent spot with a for sale sign. I went running into the building, stopping at every room to see who owned that car! It happened to be one of my students' Mom, and she was selling it because she was pregnant again, and swinging a car seat out of that two door would be pretty difficult. I asked if she had a few minutes for a test drive and she flipped me the keys, saying "Go ahead, take her for a spin." I sat in that car, and I knew. I didn't care what she wanted for it, this was my car and I was going to have it.
In a strange twist of fate my Aunt Mary had passed away a bit earlier, and I was co-executor of her estate. A large sum of money was in my checking account to handle some of her affairs,so when the bank looked at me for the loan that is what they saw, so of course they had no problem lending me the money for the car.
I believe it was the Friday before Memorial Day Weekend. I remember cruising in my new car, windows down, radio blasting, wind in my hair, no one to answer to but myself. The way I used to prefer it before my X. The way I really am at my core. I was 37 years old, and I still really knew nothing about life, or myself. I was standing on the edge of figuring a lot of it out. It was a hard time for me, but I fought through it to to rediscover who I am. The Eclipse took me through that journey. It stood as a symbol of how far I had come, I guess.
I went to the dealership when I realized that there was one more major problem to be fixed, and I just couldn't justify the expense anymore. It wasn't planned, it was just kind of "OK, today we are doing this." The sales dude, Nick, and I looked at a few cars that he thought might be in my price range. They had sold most of the VW deal cars the weekend prior, but there were a few on the lot, and a few others. As much as I needed to get a new car, I wasn't going to settle for something that didn't call to me, ever again. (see above Ford Escort) So we were walking back towards the building because nothing really grabbed me. Then she pulled out onto the lot. All freshly cleaned and shiny. A 2013 Volkswagen Jetta. Silver Metallic is the technical name of the color. I looked at Nick, and I said "You did that on purpose." I knew it was my car. He claimed that he didn't, and he probably didn't, because it was actually cheaper than any of the others we had looked at. :)
After a very quick test drive, we settled into a few hours worth of wheeling and dealing and paperwork, etc. All in all I was pleased, but oh so sad. It should have been a happy time, but I was on the verge of losing it though most of it. I had to trade the Eclipse in. I just had to. I needed to use it toward the purchase, and I wasn't going to bring it home and watch it just sit around here, or have it turned in to a race car. If I didn't part with it then I couldn't trust myself to actually sell it outright. I would be dragging it with me the rest of my life, like my blankie. (Yes.......)
So now I tootle around, happy as a clam, in my very comfortable Jetta. I've hauled myself, Leon, the pets, the kids, (Cece just loves to ride in Auntie's car.) and I am enjoying having a four door reliable vehicle again. Plus there's a sunroof, AND a moon roof, and a kick ass stereo, so I'm still cool. Yes I AM Vicki. The eclipse carried me through some very dark and difficult times, and also some of the happiest of my life. I'm looking forward to wherever the Jetta is going to take me!
2019 did not start off how I had hoped. The jar sat empty for quite awhile, and then it just had a few notes in it. The winter was hard, work was stressful, we almost lost Cece to illness again. Then I realized that the love of my life was going to have to leave me.
Yes. The Mitsubishi Eclipse that I have been driving around since 2007 (it was a 2000) suddenly had a big oil leak, and too many other problems to list. It's just a car, so no big deal, right? Wrong. Very wrong. Every year I say, I just want to make it through one more winter with her, and every year I did, but when the time came I just couldn't stand the thought of being without her, and another year would go by. I was a wreck when I handed her over to the dealer, and I'm not really ever a wreck about much. She was kind of a representation of my freedom/independence. Let me try and explain.
To the world she was just an old car. Most of the black paint had faded (factory defect that I couldn't ever afford to fix) and she was starting to rust. The exhaust had a small hole for awhile, now there were at least two, and you always knew when I was arriving. She was 19 years old, and 12 of those years were spent hauling me, Leon, the kids (Auntie, you need a bigger car.), and all of the pets that I have owned in my life.
 |
| Stuck in the ice a few weeks before we parted. |
To me, she was everything. In 2007, I found myself newly divorced, on my own, starting over again, and really not wanting to be. I was driving a green Ford Escort that I hated, and had always hated. It was reliable enough in town, I had owned it seven or eight years, but I wouldn't trust it out of town anymore. Online dating was just becoming a thing in my life, and I met someone in Two Harbors, so I needed a newer set of wheels. (THAT is a whole other story that has never been in this blog.) I wasn't really sure how I was going to get a loan, or make the payment, now that I had an apartment to pay for, but as usual, I managed.
One morning I drove up to work, at that time I was still teaching preschool for the Y, and this beautiful, shiny, black sporty looking car was parked in a parent spot with a for sale sign. I went running into the building, stopping at every room to see who owned that car! It happened to be one of my students' Mom, and she was selling it because she was pregnant again, and swinging a car seat out of that two door would be pretty difficult. I asked if she had a few minutes for a test drive and she flipped me the keys, saying "Go ahead, take her for a spin." I sat in that car, and I knew. I didn't care what she wanted for it, this was my car and I was going to have it.
In a strange twist of fate my Aunt Mary had passed away a bit earlier, and I was co-executor of her estate. A large sum of money was in my checking account to handle some of her affairs,so when the bank looked at me for the loan that is what they saw, so of course they had no problem lending me the money for the car.
I believe it was the Friday before Memorial Day Weekend. I remember cruising in my new car, windows down, radio blasting, wind in my hair, no one to answer to but myself. The way I used to prefer it before my X. The way I really am at my core. I was 37 years old, and I still really knew nothing about life, or myself. I was standing on the edge of figuring a lot of it out. It was a hard time for me, but I fought through it to to rediscover who I am. The Eclipse took me through that journey. It stood as a symbol of how far I had come, I guess.
I went to the dealership when I realized that there was one more major problem to be fixed, and I just couldn't justify the expense anymore. It wasn't planned, it was just kind of "OK, today we are doing this." The sales dude, Nick, and I looked at a few cars that he thought might be in my price range. They had sold most of the VW deal cars the weekend prior, but there were a few on the lot, and a few others. As much as I needed to get a new car, I wasn't going to settle for something that didn't call to me, ever again. (see above Ford Escort) So we were walking back towards the building because nothing really grabbed me. Then she pulled out onto the lot. All freshly cleaned and shiny. A 2013 Volkswagen Jetta. Silver Metallic is the technical name of the color. I looked at Nick, and I said "You did that on purpose." I knew it was my car. He claimed that he didn't, and he probably didn't, because it was actually cheaper than any of the others we had looked at. :)
After a very quick test drive, we settled into a few hours worth of wheeling and dealing and paperwork, etc. All in all I was pleased, but oh so sad. It should have been a happy time, but I was on the verge of losing it though most of it. I had to trade the Eclipse in. I just had to. I needed to use it toward the purchase, and I wasn't going to bring it home and watch it just sit around here, or have it turned in to a race car. If I didn't part with it then I couldn't trust myself to actually sell it outright. I would be dragging it with me the rest of my life, like my blankie. (Yes.......)
So now I tootle around, happy as a clam, in my very comfortable Jetta. I've hauled myself, Leon, the pets, the kids, (Cece just loves to ride in Auntie's car.) and I am enjoying having a four door reliable vehicle again. Plus there's a sunroof, AND a moon roof, and a kick ass stereo, so I'm still cool. Yes I AM Vicki. The eclipse carried me through some very dark and difficult times, and also some of the happiest of my life. I'm looking forward to wherever the Jetta is going to take me!
No comments:
Post a Comment