Ring The Bells

 Every year, a few days before Christmas, I re-post this quote from Leonard Cohen.  It speaks to me so deeply.  

It's ok to not be ok. It's ok to chuck it in the fuck it bucket if you really aren't feeling it, and maybe try again next year, or not. There really are no rules. I think we're raised to feel that there are specific holiday goals to achieve, and we are further conditioned by all the holiday programs, commercials, and Christmas decor tossed in our face everywhere we go beginning in October, and I'm here to reassure you that there are absolutely not. You are free to celebrate in your own style, on your own terms.  

Adversely, if you are deep in the depths of grief, but you feel the urge to celebrate, that's ok too!  Grief is a weird thing.  After we lost Cece I totally scrapped Thanksgiving.  We stayed home and had a turkey breast with some store-bought sides. The Brown Eyed Man was in heaven. I only wanted outside lights at Christmas that year,  but I did set up just the tree as we got closer to the day.  I took it all down immediately after.  I'm sure the kids still came over for Goovermas, because I would never, ever, ever short them on anything.  No matter how I felt. Now that I think on it, they came for New Years Eve, and we had a bonfire, and burned pages of the calendar, talking about the year that was, and how we felt about it.  (Something they wanted to do. ) We ate good food and played our favorite games.  I'll write about Goovermas in another blog, it deserves its own space. 

In my opinion,  celebrating with little kids (although my nieces and nephews are young adults now) changes things a bit.  They deserve to have good Christmas memories, period.  That doesn't mean breaking the bank, and it doesn't mean going all out. It means doing what you can with what you have, with a smile on your face, and the love you have for them in your heart. They do not need, or deserve to carry the weight of your grief, trauma, or bad holiday memories, period. If they, themselves are struggling with something, give them the grace to choose what they want to do.

" There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in."

My Mom made Christmas magic, and I'm sure she was tearing her hair out. Those memories are where I've spent a few (thankfully) Christmas Days over the years, until the kids came over, and then I put on my big girl panties and hopefully made the most wonderful memories for them. 

So be kind to yourself, and if you are struggling, please seek the help you need.