Gales of Life

Today I turn 52! It's going to be a fabulous year, because I choose that it will be. You can do that, you know, choose happiness. The gales of life blow hard sometimes, and I've learned to adjust my sails accordingly. 

A dear Mom from the neighborhood I grew up in sent me a birthday greeting telling me how much she loved my Facebook posts, and that I should write a book. It reminded me that I did write, all of the time, right here! It seems like I only remember to do so on big days, or my birthday now. However I found the ap and am directly connected by my phone, so that might be just the thing to get me motivated. 

The world we live in is so different from where it was when I first started writing this blog, but it is still a beautiful place, and there is so much to be grateful for. I truly embrace getting older with open arms. I'm settling firmly into who I am, and I love it! 

Now to see if I can connect this to post on fb without the teenagers directing me...... which is really the only time I feel old.

😉 

Sister Mary Gregory and Covid 19

(Signing in today to write something else I found this little gem that I didn't publish. Enjoy, wear your mask, and practice social distancing. )

First of all, I hope this finds you all well. 

This rant started out as a Facebook post, then I realized, "Hey, I have a better platform for rants! There is a blog out there in the interwebs that could use some dusting off.

A phrase that I've been hearing one version or another of lately is,"I'm not afraid, God will protect me." This is usually stated by someone not wearing a mask, or practicing social distancing. Sister Mary Gregory (Better known as my Mother. Yes, my Mother.... No, she had been out of the convent for quite awhile...) would have had a field day with you.

First, let me stare at you like you've lost your mind and find my best Ruthie tone. If I come click clacking across a hard wood floor in my high heels, that will set the scene perfectly. 

(Fill in your first and middle name here) have you heard that the Lord helps those who help themselves? Put on your mask and follow the guidelines. Say your prayers, quit whining about staying home, and offer it up for the poor souls in purgatory. You ARE your brother's keeper.

I think that about covers it. 

She may also have asked why you thought you were more important/special to God than the thousands of people who have died. 

Or maybe that's my question, but i think my Mom is there too. She, in her own way, which was much more polite than mine,(if you weren't family) did not suffer fools lightly. In that respect, I am my Mother's daughter. 

A Few Of My Favorite Things! (That are 50)

The year 1969 was a pretty big deal.  The USA put a man on the moon!  I have no personal memory of this, as I wasn't around yet, but I've watched it on news programs quite a few times over the years. Thinking back to the lack of technology in the 70's, I can't even imagine the awe one would feel watching a man walk on the moon. There was also a small gathering called Woodstock, but again, I wasn't born, so I have only second hand knowledge.

The things I do know, and love, that turn 50 this year:

First and foremost, Sesame Street!  I grew up on Sesame, then it continued to be on in the house for my younger siblings. In my teens I watched it while I babysat, then during my first full time job as a nanny, and sometimes during my earlier childcare teaching years.  This past summer, while working as a PCA for my niece Cece I got to enjoy it all over again!  Although now it isn't on PBS, it's on HBO, and that's sad.  Every child should have the opportunity to grow up with this wonderful, educational program!

Speaking of Sesame, PBS itself was created in 1969.  Mr. Rogers Neighborhood (my other childhood favorite), and Masterpiece Theatre were two of the first programs.  Masterpiece is still going strong today!  Love me some Downton Abbey. 

The Brady Bunch turns 50 this year, and although by the time I was old enough to watch the show it was in re-runs, I enjoyed watching them over and over.  Peter was such a hottie!  Scooby Doo is another childhood favorite, and they were also created in 1969. 

Nutter Butters, one of my favorite cookies to dunk, and treat to share with Cece, turn 50 this year, so do FunYuns, and Fla-Vor-Ice.  They are two of my childhood favorites, and there are usually Fla-Vor-Ice (freezies) in my freezer for the kids, or the kids at heart who live here.  Blue or pink are my personal favorites. 

I love reading "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" to the kids in my care, and I had no idea it was written in 1969.  I guess I assumed it was newer, because I hadn't read it during my childhood, and we had a pretty big library in our house.  I've been reading it to preschool/toddler classes since 1989.

One of my favorite sing-a-long songs was written in 1969.  "Sweet Caroline" (BA-BA-BA) by Neil Diamond.  If you didn't sing the BA-BA-BA part, we can't be friends.

Some of my favorite people were born in 1969, and I have spent my entire life growing up with many of them.  There's a core group that has gone all the way from K-12, and I am blessed to say that we are still friends to this day. Facebook helps a lot with that.

 I spent the day yesterday at my childhood home (Thank you to my brother Jerry and his wife Jenny!) having a family birthday party, that had the exact format, menu and music that my parents would have thrown for each of our birthdays in the 70's.  I miss my folks all the time, but especially right now, as I, myself, turn 50.  It's the only thing that snags me up a little bit about hitting this decade.The people who are not here with me.  Otherwise, I intend to rock it!

To me growing older means gaining wisdom, and a sense of understanding about life, and I'm all about that. I've made enough mistakes to make smarter choices, so here's hoping I will continue to do so. (You never can tell......) 

So here's to 50!  Life is what you make it, and I intend to continue to fill mine with friends, family, love, and laughter!

"Baby" Mo

THE magnificent Mo has turned two!  The kids that I taught in Preschool always refer to him as "baby" Mo, so a lot of the time that's what I call him, although he is a huge sixteen pound cat!  What can I say?  He likes his treats, and you best just hand them over when he wants them if you know what's good for you.  I'm trying to just give him two when he asks, because he asks a lot.

Mo is two! He is a gorgeous cat.

I'm not really a cat person, but I've raised four now, and this little bugger is the worst thing on four feet.  He will take pictures right off of the wall, and he pulls the curtains down about once every two weeks. I can't put any kind of decorating that is breakable out, because it WILL be destroyed.  He opens cupboards and rummages around in them, and he can open drawers too.  I have to keep my end table drawers taped shut or he will empty them out.  That wasn't such a big deal until we got a puppy who would eat things.  One of Mo's favorite things to do is toss our stuff down to Loki.  At least now that Loki is older he doesn't eat random things, but he will for sure hide it somewhere, and possibly chew it up, depending on what it is

Hmm...what's this?

If I have to correct Mo's behavior I always get the squirt bottle.  If I try to remove him from the kitchen table, or the island, or my desk, I'm going to get scratched or bit.  If I swat at him I'm going to get clawed for sure.  When The Brown Eyed Man yells at him to get down, Mo does right away, but he walks away sassing, and it is hilarious! Otherwise, he is a quiet kitty.

Time to clean Mom's desk

Mo Mo isn't a lovey kitty.  You run the risk of a swipe even reaching to pet him.  It's best to do that on his terms when he comes to you, and even then there's no guarantee.  He sleeps with me most nights, and at least finally stopped attacking my feet while I slept.  There was a period of about three months, right before Loki came home, where Mo was evicted from the bedroom.  The only time he is really lovey is in the middle of the night.  He wakes me up for pets sometimes, but even then he will claw me if I'm not doing it right, or falling back to sleep. 

Squirt bottle time!

 Milkie and Mo still spar from time to time, but not like when he was little.  Jake and Mo were tight pals, and he taught Mo how to be a good dog.  When Loki arrived that changed.  Jake and Mo don't seem to have much to do with each other anymore.  Loki and Mo are pals, and they play, but as Loki gets older that has settled down.  Mo can hold his own in a battle with the 84 pound pup for sure, but Milkie (who is front declawed) can still kick Mo's butt.

Make me get down and I'll knock over the stool....again.

I think that as time goes by he will improve.............. oh well. We love him anyway, little jerk.

The Back Burner

Today was a free day.  I could choose to work, or I could choose to play, but I chose to stay home and have a "me" day.  Well, it was more of a necessity that didn't pan out, but here I am.  So I set a couple of goals:

1. read something
2. write something (here we are)
3. clean something (boo)
4. garden

Later on I'll have an early BBQ with The Brown Eyed Man, and then head up to help with the end of day on my best friend's rummage sale.

This subject, "The Back Burner", was a planned blog, and probably the next one I was getting to.  Today while I achieved goal number 3, and was cleaning out a drawer (one of many) I found a letter that I wrote to myself.  "For Joanie to be opened on her 45th birthday."  Uh.....whoops.  I wondered how long that was sitting in there??  Turns out I wrote it just after my 40th birthday.   I'm four and a half years late, so I figured I better open it! 

The first part kind of rambles along, which we all know I tend to do on occasion..... then the next part talks about some hopes and dreams.  Nothing big, but number one on the list was getting out of the YMCA, which I did.  It's funny, I think of that often, mostly how unhappy I was, and it really wasn't a fabulous organization to work for, but there are worse things.  Hindsight is everything, and I actually realize now that I had it pretty good, for the most part.

I hoped, in the letter, that I accomplished a few things that I am proud of. (check)  I hoped that I was healthy (check), and in a healthy relationship (check....me into the nuthouse, but yes)  I hoped that I still maintained a good relationship with family and friends, and to fix it immediately if I didn't. (check)  Then it goes on to say this:

"The most important thing is that whatever I am doing, wherever this world has led me, I am HAPPY.  So that is the only question I pose to you today.  Are you happy?" 

I really think that things cross our path when they are meant to.  If I found this a year ago I would be pretty upset.  In the blog before this one I talked about everything being put on the back burner, and it has been.  Anything that's important to me anyway.  I was too tired, too irritated, too, too, too, to get to the things I enjoyed.  I chalk a lot of that up to mentalpause, some of it possibly to anxiety. but most of it to being mentally exhausted. 

I need my own time, I need to write, I need to read, I need to be out in the world just being one with nature.  I need quiet time.  If I don't get these things everything else in my life suffers.  I also need to be productive, and whatever I'm doing needs to matter.  I happen to be very good with kids.  Especially children who need a little extra, but that takes a toll, it really does.  You bond tight to these kids and it drains you.  If you can't recharge, it doesn't help anyone.

When I went back into childcare just about four years ago I told the owner and the director that I would love to work for them, I wanted to be a help, but I did not want to teach. Yes, I love teaching.  Yes, I'm pretty darn good at it, but I can't do my best work, and that's helping these little ones with "extra" if I have the other responsibility. I can also be a solid assistant for an overloaded teacher, and help guide new staff along the way.   That was my intention.  That is not how it went.  I assisted for about six months, then more and more I was just put in preschool as the lead, until it just became mine.  No one ever asked.

So last year at this time I took matters into my own hands and offered to PCA for my then twelve year old niece CC, who has down syndrome.  My sister and her husband were looking for help, and I decided that if someone wanted to pay me to play with Cierra, well........OK.  So I cut my summer hours at the center and left early on Tuesdays and Fridays to hang with CC.  I also was out for doctor appointments.  Then in the fall I switched to teaching Preschool Monday-Friday from 8:30-2:30, and then went to hang with CC til five on most days.  I was also off for most of her appointments.  I was much happier, but now I was working two jobs most days, and exhausted.  Not from being a PCA.  Taking care of CC is nothing compared to teaching preschool.  Nothing.

This spring the opportunity for more summer hours with CC popped up, and instead of hiring another PCA to do hours too, I took all of them.  I requested a leave of absence for the summer, and then have offered to come back in the fall as an assistant, working 10-2 Monday through Friday, but off on days when CC doesn't have school.  I'll try and do hours with CC at more meaningful times, not just hanging out every day after school, unless they need me for something, so I don't burn out.  I don't care if we do overnights or Saturdays. I am grateful that the center accepted my offer, and I am actually going to be going in to do breaks or whatever they need from 10-2 occasionally during July and August.  (The Jetta doesn't pay for itself.....)

So I "retired" from preschool on June 7th, and did a few break days the following week.  These last few weeks have just been with CC, and it has been awesome.  My soul just needed a break.  I'm writing again, I'm reading again, I come home with tons of energy for gardening and household things that need to be done.  I'm not crabby.  I probably haven't threatened to kill the Brown Eyed Man in a week or so. I feel like next week when I return to the center to hang out with the kiddos a couple days I will be a better caregiver to the ones who really need me.  I will actually HAVE something to give.

So yes, to my 40 year old self, I am happy, but more importantly, I am content.  I am at peace for the first time in a LONG time.  I'm no longer putting myself, and the things I need on the back burner.