I was all set to blog about one of my favorite pet peeves, we'll call it the Princess Problem. However, another thought came up and took over just when I started writing it. I thought the new idea didn't pertain to me, but maybe it's the entire issue. Then right as I got home I passed a man in sweats with a toy race car, who seemed about my age. I almost cried when I remembered THAT is what's out there waiting for me. So I thought maybe I should blog about him, and his kind. Which is perhaps a very nice man, but don't wear sweats on a coffee date. Yes, it has happened. Keep the remote control cars at home.
I am starting a list of things to write about, so I don't forget any of my stories, or any of my tips, plans, rants, etc. My decision is to go with the "light bulb moment" I had this morning and blog about the movie "He's Just Not That Into You."
A few months ago I joined Netflix, and am loving it! Wednesday a movie arrives all for me, a chick flick that I have been waiting and waiting to see but could never foist upon Leon. Sat night was the date night movie, but will now more than likely be a classic movie for whenever I feel like it on the weekend. I'm also toying with getting the first season of "The Tudors". Notice how I'm re-setting my routine?? Good girl.
So anyway, a few Wednesdays back my feature was the movie in question. The premise is that when we are girl children we are told that the little demons who torture us (boy children) do so because they secretly like us. Therefore, when we grow up we accept the unacceptable from men, because really they are only doing it because they like us. This I don't buy. (They do it because we allow it.) I used to kick the ASS of any little demon who bothered me when I was a girl child, and I enjoyed it the whole time! I still would kick the ass of any man child who thought he could. I have put myself in harms way a few times with that attitude, but when it is fight or flight my nature is not to run. It is to pick up a baseball bat. ;)
While composing my Princess blog the title of the movie and the other point that it makes struck me. He's just not that into you. (light bulb goes on) What did you say? HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU! Oh... yeah... hmmmm.... That's the other point of the movie. When guys don't call or suddenly stop calling, they avoid you, or maybe most importantly for me, when things end after a period of time because it "isn't going anywhere", he's just not that into you. Accept it, as hard as it is to do, and move on.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Lazy Sundays
Sundays lazing around the house are nothing new, that is ALL me. I have been a Sunday lounger my entire life. When I was little I suppose I was out playing, but by the time the preteen years came around I would be up most of Sat night reading. Mass came at 8:30 am so we were up early, then breakfast, then the paper (comics at that time) and napping away the afternoon. My teens were filled with late night Sat slumber parties, or again reading until dawn. 8:30 am felt SO much earlier, then breakfast, paper, and football/napping on the couch the entire afternoon until our big Sunday dinner at five.
I can not tell you how irritated I get when I have to do something on a Sunday. There are no clean words to express it. Even, ashamedly, if it's one of the kids birthday parties. Sunday belongs to me.
For "The Brown Eyed Man" and I, lazy Sunday's were perfect. Sleep in, big breakfast, football, NASCAR (I wont miss that) snoozing on the couch, working a crossword or reading a book together. I will miss that. Nothing is sexier to me than a man with brains. We'd get around to dinner and then watch Nature together before he headed off to a few hours of work. This is the time of evening I'm used to being alone on a Sunday, yet every Sunday for the past 19 months I would be waiting for him to come "home". Knowing there will be no 11:30pm phone call saying "I'm on my way, do you need anything?" is absolute torture. Wondering if there will be a call saying "I'm on my way to get my stuff." is worse.
So, how did I spend this lazy Sunday with my new plan in place? Slept in until noon, had some wonderful cinnamon coffee, blogged, chatted with #2 for a long time about relationships and neighbors. I came away with some really good insight into my situation, and hope that things will settle down upstairs. She called the landlord at 10 last night, and I planned to call him tomorrow am.
Washed the entry and bathroom floors, exciting I know. Filled up the kids Easter bags!
Took a long walk, trying to just focus on the sound of my feet and the air flowing over me. It's called meditative walking and it's supposed to be another form of meditation. It actually worked better at shutting up the constant yap in my head than anything else I've tried.
When I got home I decided left over homemade pizza (thanks to my bro in law) and Journey to the Center of the Earth were in order. The pizza was great, the movie not so much. I was interrupted almost immediately by the phone. It was the landlord asking about #3. I had my act all rehearsed. When I play helpless he just can't help but falling into my trap. lol Bad I know, but hey... old lechers get what they deserve. :) So anyway we talked about all the banging and yelling and in and out of the back at all hours of the night. I told him how I was on my own again, and "I just don't feel safe." How I love my apartment, and he and I have a great relationship, but I work eight hours a day with little kids and I need to sleep! I mentioned that one night it sounded like a dresser going over and if I had heard one more noise I would have called the cops. (which is true) He told me to feel free, I had his blessing (that's a HOOT) to call the police anytime. He would call #3 right away, and get to the bottom of it. I am his pal you know, and I should feel free to call him anytime! Oh, and we talked about the issue of their chain smoking up there. You should see the blue smoke in our entryway, it's disgusting. #1 is an old lady on oxygen and I am allergic to cigarette smoke. Landlord says he's telling them to take it outside from now on. We'll see how far that flies.
So then I finished the movie, took a shower, and now I'm here talking to you. Trying to think of a plan for the rest of the evening. Lazy Sundays usually end for me at 1 am. I was just saying to Brown Eyes last Sunday, the last night he slept here, that he really had to start going in to work earlier. Midnight is too late for cheeseburgers. Careful what you wish for.
I can not tell you how irritated I get when I have to do something on a Sunday. There are no clean words to express it. Even, ashamedly, if it's one of the kids birthday parties. Sunday belongs to me.
For "The Brown Eyed Man" and I, lazy Sunday's were perfect. Sleep in, big breakfast, football, NASCAR (I wont miss that) snoozing on the couch, working a crossword or reading a book together. I will miss that. Nothing is sexier to me than a man with brains. We'd get around to dinner and then watch Nature together before he headed off to a few hours of work. This is the time of evening I'm used to being alone on a Sunday, yet every Sunday for the past 19 months I would be waiting for him to come "home". Knowing there will be no 11:30pm phone call saying "I'm on my way, do you need anything?" is absolute torture. Wondering if there will be a call saying "I'm on my way to get my stuff." is worse.
So, how did I spend this lazy Sunday with my new plan in place? Slept in until noon, had some wonderful cinnamon coffee, blogged, chatted with #2 for a long time about relationships and neighbors. I came away with some really good insight into my situation, and hope that things will settle down upstairs. She called the landlord at 10 last night, and I planned to call him tomorrow am.
Washed the entry and bathroom floors, exciting I know. Filled up the kids Easter bags!
Took a long walk, trying to just focus on the sound of my feet and the air flowing over me. It's called meditative walking and it's supposed to be another form of meditation. It actually worked better at shutting up the constant yap in my head than anything else I've tried.
When I got home I decided left over homemade pizza (thanks to my bro in law) and Journey to the Center of the Earth were in order. The pizza was great, the movie not so much. I was interrupted almost immediately by the phone. It was the landlord asking about #3. I had my act all rehearsed. When I play helpless he just can't help but falling into my trap. lol Bad I know, but hey... old lechers get what they deserve. :) So anyway we talked about all the banging and yelling and in and out of the back at all hours of the night. I told him how I was on my own again, and "I just don't feel safe." How I love my apartment, and he and I have a great relationship, but I work eight hours a day with little kids and I need to sleep! I mentioned that one night it sounded like a dresser going over and if I had heard one more noise I would have called the cops. (which is true) He told me to feel free, I had his blessing (that's a HOOT) to call the police anytime. He would call #3 right away, and get to the bottom of it. I am his pal you know, and I should feel free to call him anytime! Oh, and we talked about the issue of their chain smoking up there. You should see the blue smoke in our entryway, it's disgusting. #1 is an old lady on oxygen and I am allergic to cigarette smoke. Landlord says he's telling them to take it outside from now on. We'll see how far that flies.
So then I finished the movie, took a shower, and now I'm here talking to you. Trying to think of a plan for the rest of the evening. Lazy Sundays usually end for me at 1 am. I was just saying to Brown Eyes last Sunday, the last night he slept here, that he really had to start going in to work earlier. Midnight is too late for cheeseburgers. Careful what you wish for.
Day One
Very original title, I know. Hell day would be more appropriate, but I did survive. The worst day is the first, and now it's in the review mirror. It would have to be a Saturday, so it was my first Sat night alone in awhile too. How did I spend the day? Not crying in bed like I wanted to, that's for sure.
The lovely neighbors above me woke me up at 6am, so I indulged myself for about two hours in bed thinking about our relationship. I can't say dwelling on what went wrong, because for once, I don't have anything I wish I could take back or do differently, except for following my four month rule, which I will explain in a later blog. So I crawled out of bed at 8:00, turned the coffee on, sat down at the computer and ran into an old friend on facebook. We spent an hour or so catching up. I haven't seen him since High School and it was awesome to reconnect!
I decided around 11 it was time for a nap, and slept for about 15 minutes before the neighbors were at it again. Then I just lay there missing what a normal Sat had become, and remembered that I know how to do this, because I've done it so many times before. You have to make new routines, plan out what you are going to do. Thought back to what weekends were before Leon and started to make a plan. Honestly, you have to retrain yourself or you'll just sit there bawling about what you "would be doing right now if he were here".
Then the phone started ringing, neighbor in #2 complaining about neighbors in #3. We'll see if we can't get them evicted, mua ha ha. We've done it before. Then my Aunt Pat called to report in on a family funeral, but had heard about my situation so we talked about that first. It's nice to still have ONE older family member to comfort you, cause really that's what you need.
Then I got myself up and dressed and got the AVON order (yes I'm an AVON lady) processed, and cleaned the kitchen including washing the floor! Easter dinner with my siblings and their families is at my house, so I have a lot to do. Went over to my sister's house and babysat my niece for a few hours, and that really took my mind off of things. She has down syndrome and it puts things in perspective, plus the love she gives you is amazing. As I rocked in the living room chair with her in my lap doing "This little Piggy" for the 643rd time I wondered how many times over her lifespan, almost five years, I had done this for therapy. The same applies to my other nieces, and nephew. So I noted that in my how to survive manual.
Must note that my sister is the best sister in the world. She brought me a big mac and fries, which I would NOT have gone out and gotten for myself. It did hit the spot! Mc fries are magic.
Got home around eight and there sat the Netfix movie I had picked out for our Sat night movie fest. Journey to the Center of the Earth. Saw the little red envelope in the mailbox and lost it. So I thought, well...I'll just watch it. Then I remembered the plan and thought back to what I used to do. Really? Do I really want to chat on the Internet with people I don't know? That is what I used to do on a dateless Sat night, or hang out at my sisters if her hubby was working. Or I would peruse dating sights, but that is not an option right now. Hmmm..... I could go to bed. I would like to curl up and sleep for 15 hours straight, but I'm not falling into that pattern. I could read, but my thoughts are bound to wander. Ok, Internet chat here I come.
I must say that I enjoyed myself. It is nice to share thoughts anonymously, no strings ( I don't mean cyber sex by the way) no harm, no foul. I met a few interesting people, and even did add one to my messenger to consider later. He lives in Canada, and if Sarah Pahlin ever gets into the White House, I'm going to need friends in Canada. I plan to live there.
So I entertained myself until about 11:30 and then called it a night. Lost it once more right before bed, because honestly this is NOT the way I want to be spending my Sat nights. I would much rather be curled up on the couch with a movie and the worlds best popcorn, Sam at our feet, knowing this is the most right my life has ever been. Life doesn't always give you what you want, so the key is how to make the very best out of what you have.
The lovely neighbors above me woke me up at 6am, so I indulged myself for about two hours in bed thinking about our relationship. I can't say dwelling on what went wrong, because for once, I don't have anything I wish I could take back or do differently, except for following my four month rule, which I will explain in a later blog. So I crawled out of bed at 8:00, turned the coffee on, sat down at the computer and ran into an old friend on facebook. We spent an hour or so catching up. I haven't seen him since High School and it was awesome to reconnect!
I decided around 11 it was time for a nap, and slept for about 15 minutes before the neighbors were at it again. Then I just lay there missing what a normal Sat had become, and remembered that I know how to do this, because I've done it so many times before. You have to make new routines, plan out what you are going to do. Thought back to what weekends were before Leon and started to make a plan. Honestly, you have to retrain yourself or you'll just sit there bawling about what you "would be doing right now if he were here".
Then the phone started ringing, neighbor in #2 complaining about neighbors in #3. We'll see if we can't get them evicted, mua ha ha. We've done it before. Then my Aunt Pat called to report in on a family funeral, but had heard about my situation so we talked about that first. It's nice to still have ONE older family member to comfort you, cause really that's what you need.
Then I got myself up and dressed and got the AVON order (yes I'm an AVON lady) processed, and cleaned the kitchen including washing the floor! Easter dinner with my siblings and their families is at my house, so I have a lot to do. Went over to my sister's house and babysat my niece for a few hours, and that really took my mind off of things. She has down syndrome and it puts things in perspective, plus the love she gives you is amazing. As I rocked in the living room chair with her in my lap doing "This little Piggy" for the 643rd time I wondered how many times over her lifespan, almost five years, I had done this for therapy. The same applies to my other nieces, and nephew. So I noted that in my how to survive manual.
Must note that my sister is the best sister in the world. She brought me a big mac and fries, which I would NOT have gone out and gotten for myself. It did hit the spot! Mc fries are magic.
Got home around eight and there sat the Netfix movie I had picked out for our Sat night movie fest. Journey to the Center of the Earth. Saw the little red envelope in the mailbox and lost it. So I thought, well...I'll just watch it. Then I remembered the plan and thought back to what I used to do. Really? Do I really want to chat on the Internet with people I don't know? That is what I used to do on a dateless Sat night, or hang out at my sisters if her hubby was working. Or I would peruse dating sights, but that is not an option right now. Hmmm..... I could go to bed. I would like to curl up and sleep for 15 hours straight, but I'm not falling into that pattern. I could read, but my thoughts are bound to wander. Ok, Internet chat here I come.
I must say that I enjoyed myself. It is nice to share thoughts anonymously, no strings ( I don't mean cyber sex by the way) no harm, no foul. I met a few interesting people, and even did add one to my messenger to consider later. He lives in Canada, and if Sarah Pahlin ever gets into the White House, I'm going to need friends in Canada. I plan to live there.
So I entertained myself until about 11:30 and then called it a night. Lost it once more right before bed, because honestly this is NOT the way I want to be spending my Sat nights. I would much rather be curled up on the couch with a movie and the worlds best popcorn, Sam at our feet, knowing this is the most right my life has ever been. Life doesn't always give you what you want, so the key is how to make the very best out of what you have.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Single Again
When I set up this blog a couple of months ago, it was knowing full well that I would be in this situation again. Stuck in a rut with someone you truly love is NOT a fun place to be. After about 19 months my brown eyed man is "going his own way."
Honestly although I knew it was coming, I'm still in shock from the reality of it. I have been through two failed marriages (although I count it as one since it's the same guy) the end of another long term relationship, and several shorter toxic ones that I had the brains to end quickly. What I feel with this can't compare to any of it. Because my friends, for the first time in years I FEEL.
I thought that things in my past had prevented me from being able to truly love someone ever again. I figured that I would be uncomfortable with a long term relationship of any kind, and most importantly if I could somehow manage one, I would certainly never make the mistake of trusting the guy. Much to my surprise I met "The Brown Eyed Man" and all of that went right out the window. I'm not talking with time, I'm talking as soon as we met. There's just something about him.
Some of you may think I'm nuts, but I actually thanked Brown Eyes for showing me that I still have the capability to love, to grow, to dream of a future with someone. This would be a lot easier to deal with if he were a slimy cheater. I know how to handle that hurt. (hedge clippers) This is something new. I don't think I've ever been in a situation where two people care for each other but choose to go their separate ways.
I am calling this blog coffee date, because that is what happens with online dating. You meet at a website, chat a bit, meet for coffee, and usually run off screaming into the night. Remind me to tell you about the dark foggy night at Perkins. *shudder* I swore last time I was out there I would write it all down. I thought the minute I was free I'd get right back on the proverbial horse, but that's not the way I feel. Now I'm choosing to use the blog as therapy to heal. Instead of focusing on dating right now, I'm going to focus on me. So I'll wrack my brain and go back in time a little to blog about what it's like then I'll decide if it's worth it. :)
Honestly although I knew it was coming, I'm still in shock from the reality of it. I have been through two failed marriages (although I count it as one since it's the same guy) the end of another long term relationship, and several shorter toxic ones that I had the brains to end quickly. What I feel with this can't compare to any of it. Because my friends, for the first time in years I FEEL.
I thought that things in my past had prevented me from being able to truly love someone ever again. I figured that I would be uncomfortable with a long term relationship of any kind, and most importantly if I could somehow manage one, I would certainly never make the mistake of trusting the guy. Much to my surprise I met "The Brown Eyed Man" and all of that went right out the window. I'm not talking with time, I'm talking as soon as we met. There's just something about him.
Some of you may think I'm nuts, but I actually thanked Brown Eyes for showing me that I still have the capability to love, to grow, to dream of a future with someone. This would be a lot easier to deal with if he were a slimy cheater. I know how to handle that hurt. (hedge clippers) This is something new. I don't think I've ever been in a situation where two people care for each other but choose to go their separate ways.
I am calling this blog coffee date, because that is what happens with online dating. You meet at a website, chat a bit, meet for coffee, and usually run off screaming into the night. Remind me to tell you about the dark foggy night at Perkins. *shudder* I swore last time I was out there I would write it all down. I thought the minute I was free I'd get right back on the proverbial horse, but that's not the way I feel. Now I'm choosing to use the blog as therapy to heal. Instead of focusing on dating right now, I'm going to focus on me. So I'll wrack my brain and go back in time a little to blog about what it's like then I'll decide if it's worth it. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)