Single Again

When I set up this blog a couple of months ago, it was knowing full well that I would be in this situation again. Stuck in a rut with someone you truly love is NOT a fun place to be. After about 19 months my brown eyed man is "going his own way."

Honestly although I knew it was coming, I'm still in shock from the reality of it. I have been through two failed marriages (although I count it as one since it's the same guy) the end of another long term relationship, and several shorter toxic ones that I had the brains to end quickly. What I feel with this can't compare to any of it. Because my friends, for the first time in years I FEEL.

I thought that things in my past had prevented me from being able to truly love someone ever again. I figured that I would be uncomfortable with a long term relationship of any kind, and most importantly if I could somehow manage one, I would certainly never make the mistake of trusting the guy. Much to my surprise I met "The Brown Eyed Man" and all of that went right out the window. I'm not talking with time, I'm talking as soon as we met. There's just something about him.

Some of you may think I'm nuts, but I actually thanked Brown Eyes for showing me that I still have the capability to love, to grow, to dream of a future with someone. This would be a lot easier to deal with if he were a slimy cheater. I know how to handle that hurt. (hedge clippers) This is something new. I don't think I've ever been in a situation where two people care for each other but choose to go their separate ways.

I am calling this blog coffee date, because that is what happens with online dating. You meet at a website, chat a bit, meet for coffee, and usually run off screaming into the night. Remind me to tell you about the dark foggy night at Perkins. *shudder* I swore last time I was out there I would write it all down. I thought the minute I was free I'd get right back on the proverbial horse, but that's not the way I feel. Now I'm choosing to use the blog as therapy to heal. Instead of focusing on dating right now, I'm going to focus on me. So I'll wrack my brain and go back in time a little to blog about what it's like then I'll decide if it's worth it. :)