Cuppa Joe

Last week I spent some time talking with my conscience. He isn't a small green cricket named Jiminy, rather he's a tall southern gentleman with a deep sexy drawl, who has pretty good insight into what makes me tick. His name, is Joe. Yes, he reads the blog so he will see this. *waving* Hello! You had to know it would happen sooner or later. :)

We are two peas in a pod, this southern gent and northern flower. I met him on the internet in a chat room in the fall of 1990, and we've been close friends for almost ten years. He is the only person I have contact with from the good old chat room days. Months can and have gone by without us talking, but through the good, the bad, and the absolutely horrific, the connection between us has never faded.

Basically he once again called me on my crap. By trade I should mention that Joe is a motivational speaker, amongst other things. He's a fabulous cheerleader to have on your side, but he cuts right to the heart of any matter without pussyfooting around, and I am the type of person who can appreciate and respect that. His comment on my blog posts about my current situation was this. "Anyone reading your blog who doesn't know you thinks you're ready to move on, but you're not." I think maybe he thought I didn't know that I'm not, but I readily admitted it. I'm not.

Some people are relationship jumpers, or as my cousin Ray put it, "They just change heads and move on so they don't have to feel anything." I loved that one! Wish I had come up with it myself. I've never been good at changing heads. I've done it before, but it never works out. They are the rebound guy and it's doomed from the start. I may even convince myself I'm in love with them at the time, but it's never true. They are just filling up my time so I wont be bored, and when that four month time comes along I have no problem walking away from it. Leaving whatever destruction I've caused in the wake, never looking back. Karma will find me though, and when it happens I know that I've gotten what I deserved.

Sticking my feet into the water of the dating pool has been an interesting, alarming, adventure. I couldn't even bring myself to meet anyone face to face though. Trying to force things is making me near certifiable. The heart wants what the heart wants, no matter what the brain tries to tell it. That happens to be a certain fellow with brown eyes. I did explain this all to Marc, who is the sweetest guy alive or a really good faker. He asks that we keep in contact for now, and I have agreed to that.

So I am returning the focus of my life to friends, family, and possibly a novel that I began several years ago. I re-read what I had down so far and was pleasantly surprised and impressed with myself. There's a children's story somewhere in my head, and part of one on this computer somewhere. I will embrace the fact that I am hopelessly in love with "The Brown Eyed Man", instead of trying to avoid it. Try to fill up my free time with something positive, and I have a few idea's on that subject that I need to explore. Basically it's time to get my head on straight.

To my cuppa Joe, you are my cheerleader and my champion and I am so blessed to have you in my life!!!