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I have known for weeks that I would write this blog, I just didn't know how it was going to go. I have been alternately looking forward to and dreading today for some time now. This afternoon I went to a 90th birthday party for my X Mother-in-law. Yes, my X husband was there. Yes, his girlfriend was there also. This is not the someone(s) who came between us, but someone who came into the picture later. Does it really matter? I've never, in the 20 years we have known each other seen him with anyone other than myself. How would I handle that? Would it even matter?

It took me a long time to RSVP to the invitation, but ultimately I miss my family. I want to see the kids growing up and hear what they're doing. I missed Carrie's wedding this past summer, and I was very angry about that. One of Steve's sisters commented on it while I was visiting with her today. "You should have been there, you watched those kids grow up. You were a part of their lives." I agreed. I got to see her today though, and hug her and tell her I love her and how happy I am for her.

After emailing Judy that Kate and I would be coming to the party I sent an email to Steve. I wanted to make sure that he knew we were invited, and that we were going to come. Ruth is still a part of my life, I still refer to her as my Mother in Law, and I actually do some cleaning for her, so I still see her on a regular basis. When she became sick this past spring/summer I decided then and there that I'm done staying away from the family to "make room" for someone new. I've always been an accepted part of them, and I thought it wouldn't be fair to someone new if I was around. That's done. She (whoever the she of the moment is) can have him. I'm keeping them.

Steve emailed me back that he was glad we were coming and "Vicki is really excited to meet you." Uh.... excuse me? I have to say it. Bullshit. I have been in that position, it was uncomfortable and I certainly wasn't looking forward to it. I must say though, I had enough respect for the x wife (who didn't deserve it) and mother to Dave's children that when it became clear no one would introduce us, I actually went right up and introduced myself. Awkward? Yes. I, however, was the bigger person and it put me on good footing. That is NOT what happened today.

Steve and Vicki arrived in her van, pulling up to Judy's drive. They got out, changed seats, and he drives away, leaving her to walk alone into this family gathering where she knows the x wife she has never met is waiting. I mumbled "what an ass" to his sister, and she chuckled. I figured I had two choices. Take the high road or ignore it. I would like to say I took the high road, but honestly I couldn't trust myself not to say something nasty. So I ignored it. She joined our group and I just kept up my conversation like she wasn't even there. None of the other family members in the group must have been brave enough to do the introductions, so we still have not officially met.

Steve arrived, said his hello's, gave me and my sister a hug, and moved on to visit with others. He never made a move to introduce us. This might have had something to do with the email I sent him back after the "she's excited to meet you" business. I was honest. I told him I was going to the party because it's something I "should" do. He could introduce us and then move on. I have no desire to chat with, or get to know this person, although I would certainly be civil. Well, probably anyway, unless of course I was provoked. :)

So it's over. What have I learned from this little adventure? Nothing that I really didn't already know. I still have a place at the family table if I want to take a seat. They all accepted me with open and loving arms. Home isn't necessarily a place, but the people you surround yourself with. Yesterday I drove by my old house, it is all run down, and it made me incredibly sad to see it. I used the old saying "You can't go home again." in my blog. For a little while today I saw that maybe you can.

p.s. I have to say it. I'm way prettier. LOL Yeah, I'm a bitch. I've earned it. ;) As to the how I dealt with seeing him with someone else question? Strange thing actually...... it wasn't even like they were together. He never as much as touched her while I was in sight of them. The answer is: I felt nothing. I thought I was well and truly over him, and I am and have been for a long time. The only man for me is a brown eyed mountain man who likes to toss rotten eggs at trees. :)