Memorial Day

Every Memorial Day we take time out to honor our veterans.  I think in the past many of us didn't give much thought to them during the rest of the year, but with social media, the news, and the state of the world today, that's impossible, unless you live under a rock.  I am pretty "news free" except for what I catch during the day on the computer, and I still know what's what for the most part.  No CNN, Fox News (of course not, even if I had cable), or any other 24/7 streaming news stations for me.  It's too much information, spin, and negativity for this gal to chew on.  Frankly, my head might explode.

Currently I don't have any members of the military in my family, but have had several in the past.  My great-uncles (four in one family), an uncle (who taught me how to march correctly), cousins, and numerous friends.  I am thankful for each and every one of them, for the sacrifices they made, and for the families who held things together while they were gone.  Luckily they have all returned home, and in one piece, although a few who were in Vietnam were never quite the same.

When I was a child Memorial Sunday was a big deal.  We would wear our dress up clothes to church, and after Sunday breakfast we would all pile into the car and head over to St. Francis cemetery so my Grandma Meys, my Dad, and my Uncle Bill could pay their respects to family.  I vividly remember the American flags dotting the open field where they are buried.  The three of us kids had no clue.  Death hadn't touched any of us yet.  I do have a few memories of my Grandpa Meys, but I was only three when he died.  I didn't understand grief yet, and my siblings had no memory of him.  The other graves were people we never knew.  To us it was an adventure, prancing along the flowers and flags looking for names we recognized. 

My Mom and Grandma Lenihan would go out to Calvary Cemetery to pay their respects to her family, but we didn't have to go, and I didn't.  Why we all had to go with Grandma Meys, I don't really know.  My Dad wanted us to, or she wanted us to.  It was just something we did, and it was important we be there.  Grandma Meys was frail and sickly, and I still vividly remember her being all dressed up, helped from the car, and her walking on her son's arms to her husband's grave, where she would stand for a few minutes, and  then she would move on to her brother's and parent's headstones.  I remember watching her sometimes, but I just didn't understand.  I remember my Mom saying once that Grandma Meys mourned Grandpa until the day she died.  Again, I didn't get it, but I do now.

I was twelve when my Great Uncle Joe died (Grandma Meys' brother) and then going to the cemetery started to hold a bit more meaning.  I also started to realize that my Dad would tend two other headstones in a shady pine section of the cemetery.  It's the place where his own Grandpa and Grandma Meys were laid to rest.  The place where he and my Mom would eventually be buried.

Going to the cemetery is not on my list of favorite things to do.  It doesn't really give me peace, they aren't there.  It just brings back upsetting memories.  However, I was raised to be respectful, so I do make sure, at least once a year, that all the graves are in good condition, and that the flowers on the Meys headstone are replaced.  My sister went and got them this year, so I thought "Fine, you handle it.  I don't want to go there anyway.", and I thought that was that.  Then she calls on Saturday and says she didn't do it.  *Big sigh*  So I drove over, put together the flowers, and drove them out to the cemetery.  I kid you not,  "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd came on the radio while I was driving, and I said aloud, to no one, "Seriously?? I don't need a soundtrack."  So I had tears before I even got there.

I put the flowers in their holder, cleaned up the individual headstones a bit, and watched two geese fly by.  I always see something when I'm out there, usually it's eagles.  I took a pic to show my sister that the flowers indeed did look nice, and headed on outta there.  Usually I just go, but I really felt like I needed to go over to the sunny field and pay my respects to the rest of the family.  It was like my Grandma was guilting me from above. :)  So I racked my brain and lo and behold I parked the car and walked straight to them.  Flower baskets and American flags blowing in the cold breeze, and me standing alone among them, so full of memories.  I hate going to the cemetery, but I'm glad that I did.  I have the gift of memory, (sometimes not a gift) but there are little things that even I forget unless I come across something familiar. 

 

Grillin', The Final Chapter

After fortifying myself with three cups of toasted pecan coffee and a hearty breakfast made with farm fresh eggs (because I'm no longer scared of them...mostly....), I was ready to tackle putting together the lil grill.

I got out my tool box, and gathered my assistant. (like I had a choice)

 

 

Opening the box, it was as I had feared.  Every part had to be put together.  It didn't look to tough, but a LOT of screws.  I stared at it all for a few minutes, afraid to open the directions. 

*Sigh*  Alright Milkie, can I have the screwdriver?

 Hilarious............., now get out of the way.

 

 

I don't think it's in the box.

See, it's not in the box.  Silly kitty, let's get this business started!

It was pretty easy to get the top and bottom started.  Just putting on the handle, some hinges on the top and bottom, and a piece on the inside to hold the (here come the technical terms) thingy that covers the flame. 

It was this thing

 that caused the first moment of difficulty, and got a "Christmas Pickles, this is annoying!" for it's trouble.  Can you tell I took care of little ones?

The leg piece actually stopped me dead, because it didn't look at all like the picture, and was not going on in it's current form.  The directions were no help, so I just stared at it in a WTF moment.

Hmm....there's a spring, it must open.  Please don't break it......

 

Lo and behold it just popped right open into the correct shape and voila, we had legs!  Then I pinched my finger in the pliers and said SHIT, like a normal person.

 

Get ready for some more technical terms.  See that little rectangle piece of metal, just to the left of the turn on knobby?

 

It's known as the piece I thought was missing.  I looked high and low for what I thought was a black rectangle.  The other add on pieces were all black.  I was just working myself up into a good swear that would have had several f bombs in it, when I noticed a little metal rectangle hooked onto the flame cover thingy, that just might not belong there.  Sure enough it was the piece that needs to cover the hole on the gas tube. so we don't all blow up.  :)  Whew!

 

Overall the directions were helpful, right until the last part.  You can't just put on the bottom grill, the top one is in the way.  You have to unhook it and slide it through.  Not what the directions tell you, but I could figure that one out for myself.  After another WTF moment of silence.

 

TA DA!

 

and....

 

 

Chicken, zucchini, summer squash, and the foil packet is potato and onion.  Mmmmm it was so good!  It smelled awesome cooking, and I did it myself from start to finish.

 

This whole thing is so much more than buying/putting together/ grilling a meal.  It's a step out of complacency.  It's a step toward gaining a piece of my independent self back.  I have never in my life grilled a meal on my own, until today.  It has always been a "couple" thing, or the man in my life handled it.  I didn't even realize until the Brown Eyed Man came along that I was any good at it.  Still, it was a joint effort, because at the very least I'm afraid to light a big grill.  All I can see is the explosion that's bound to happen if I'm monkeying with anything. 

 

What do you know, nothing exploded!   (I rock) ♥

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Grillin' Part Two

I'm not really sure how the grill I saw at Menards fits into this box, but I'm sure that I'll find out.  The only guarantee is that there will be swearing, because this must have a lot of pieces to put together!  Good project for Saturday morning, and I can spend the time contemplating what I'm going to buy to try it out Saturday night!  I think it's going to be chicken, just because I already have some baby red potatoes that I have to do something with.  MMMMMMMMMmmmmmm

The size looks to be perfect for one, and since it's going to be just me for awhile, that's great.  It's still big enough to do quesedillas on, if I just do them one at a time.  Insert mental image of me sitting in the Adirondack chair scarfing a hot quesedilla while I grill six more one at a time. :)  I can't wait!  I also see a trip to Superior Meats in my future.  There will be bacon blue brats soon!

That's about the extent of my plans for the holiday weekend.  Ash has a soccer game tomorrow, if she doesn't hit her melon again today.  I will be getting the new grill ready on Sat, planting some flowers in containers around the yard, and then Monday night there is a 50th birthday for my bro in law.  I would love to do something evil to him, but when you're younger they have a lot of time to think of payback.  Still.....

Thinking

Short, sweet, and to the point.  Everything I've wanted to say for the last six months, summed up in 22 words.

Communication is an issue for me.  I know.  No, I'm not kidding.  I can talk about anything under the sun, except for when it really matters.  When the other person is holding my heart in their hands, I have a real problem.  The phrase, "We need to talk." makes my blood run cold, because it rarely means anything good.

I guess that I have an issue with words in general, and it comes from being told too many lies, and from promises made that were easily tossed into the wind. ( I'm talking about long ago relationships, not recent.)   So, I tend to let  a persons actions speak for themselves, and ignore the words, although words are nice to hear.  I would have liked to have heard them, and when I thought about it, I realized that I was just as guilty.  He probably would have liked to have heard them too.

Without communication you just end up with a mess.  I would get up the courage to say something and my effort would be swept away by an action of his that I read to much into, (or maybe I didn't, but still) and I got defensive and clammed up. I guess I tell myself that if you're quiet, you aren't vulnerable.  Then I would be crabby and quiet, and my own actions were seriously misread.

In every other area of my life I am fearless.  I know what I want for the most part, and I'm not shy about sharing my opinion on anything, that's for sure.  Clamming up when it's important is very  frustrating to me.  It isn't like I'm a cold fish, and I will talk if someone else starts the conversation.  In some ways it makes me the perfect woman.  I would never sit you down to "talk about our relationship", ever.

As I'm writing this (and I have been writing this for literally a week) I am coming to the realization that it's a trust issue more than a communication issue. Life hurts, and it's messy, and being quiet doesn't help you to avoid that.  I don't hurt any less, that's for sure, and if I had spoken up I would have known where I stood a long time ago.  Would things have turned out differently?  Eh?  Maybe not, but at least I would have been heard, and maybe understood a bit better.  Totally my fault, that part of it anyway. 

Who needs a shrink when you have a blog?  :)  (Don't say "you do" it isn't nice.)  Apparently I have more work to do than I thought when it comes to this, and knowing the issue is collateral damage from my past really burns my biscuits.  There comes a point where you have to get over it, or get run over by it, and here we are. 

Fifty Shades of Green

Sorry to disappoint those who stopped in to read, thinking  this might be a blog about sex.  Ha.  It's pretty much the exact opposite.  It's about my adventures with motion sickness.

Ever since I was a child I have had a hard time sitting in the back seat of a car.  You could guarantee I would be nauseous by the time I got anywhere.  Today it even happens in the passenger seat when I'm driving with my sister in her Explorer.  It could be the height of the vehicle, but I think it's the driver. ;)  The worst experience I've ever had was a drive with her down to visit cousins who were at an art show in Cable WI.  It was the closest I ever came to losing my cookies.  I just leaned against the car in the Subway parking lot, hoping I wouldn't have to hurl in the grass, facing the oncoming traffic.  I knew that if I moved I was doomed, so Kate and I just stood there for ten minutes until the fresh air revived me.

I never feel well after I fly, but the last time I was up in the air was....... yep...... awhile back.  It must be almost ten years ago.  The motion sickness is much worse now, so that would be fun to try again. (sarcasm)  I made the mistake of getting on the Vista Star and heading out on Lake Superior on a windy day three years ago, without even considering that I would get sick.  Yeah.....  that was a lot of fun.   So boats came off the list of things I want to do.

The last fair ride I was on was the scrambler, with Ash, about twelve years ago.  Holy hell.  Never, ever again.  I may have been on a Ferris wheel since then, and I will stick to that.  Although again, my symptoms are much worse now.  Swinging on a playground swing will do it if I play to long.  (which is a shame, because I love it) Usually when I sit on a wooden swing, I don't swing.  I just move it a lil bit, same thing with a hammock. 

This past weekend I traveled with Vicki's sister, Deb, and her Mom, Barb, down to my Godsons' First Communion.  I'm so tired of being the person who has to sit in the front seat.  So, even though I hate to take meds, I finally decided to do something about it.  I picked up some Dramamine at The Walmart, and hoped for the best. 

Saturday morning I took one right before I drove over to Barb's.  It made my lips feel like they belonged to Angelina Jolie, and my nose stuffed up immediately.  I was a little concerned, so I told Barb about taking the meds, in case we were emergency room bound, so they would know what happened.  We packed up the car, and  headed out, with me stretched out in the backseat.  About a half hour down the road I could feel the nausea, so I took another pill, and that fixed it.  I was able to make a three hour drive in the backseat without losing it.

Apparently taking two pills makes me very groggy a few hours later.  I almost fell asleep on the floor while building a Lego star ship with Harry Potter Lego pieces.  I stumbled upstairs and announced I was taking a nap before dinner, and when Meg woke me up an hour later I was sleeping so soundly I could have slept the night away. 

On the way home I tried one pill again, with much worse results, but after the second one kicked in I was fine.  Later that night I couldn't keep my eyes open, but I guess it's better to be zonked than green!

Grillin'

Yesterday I put the old grill out for the curbside pick up our city has each spring.  My scheduled pick up day is this coming Monday, but by the time I got home from work the grill was gone.  Someone was pretty desperate, but I hope they can make use of the rusty old wobbly wheel thing.  It has some great memories attached to it, and for that reason I was sad to see it go.

So as the snowflakes fall, it's time to think about buying a grill!  Yes, it is May 3rd and there are little snowflakes dancing in the air.  I have to be thankful because that's all they are doing.  If you travel an hour from here people have 15 inches of heavy, wet snow!

I think I will aim for a smaller travel/table top grill.  It's just for me, and  I am always afraid of blowing myself up with the big grills.  Ha, now that I write that, I remember that the closest I have ever come to an incident WAS with the travel kind.  Thank God I had foil on the grate, saved my eyebrows. 

From the time I was very little my Dad would drag out the charcoal grill and toast us up burgers or chops.  Dang those hockey puck, burned through things were good. :)  The best part was getting to roast marshmallow afterwards.  Even though I don't really care to eat them, I love the roasting part.  We didn't know about s'mores back then.

To me, if summer had a smell, it would be just about anything cooking on a grill.  *sigh*  Soon.......  It makes me sad that I wont have my grilling partner, but I'll adjust.  I always do.

This weekend I'm heading out of town to what I hoped would be warmer climes.  Yeah....not so much.  I'm heading to Ramsey MN to be there when my God Son receives his First Communion.  Yep, I'm going to church.  Couldn't hurt......much.  :) I will light a candle for Spring!