Jaded

"Hey j-j-jaded, you got your mama's style But you're yesterday's child to me So jaded You think that's where it's at But is that where it's supposed to be? " ~ Aerosmith


That's me. Jaded. Sometimes I hide it better than others, this is not one of those times. Years ago when Tom wanted to become the assistant in my room I honestly said to him, " I think men are useless. Prove me wrong." He did. My male friends usually do. Men I am in a relationship with do not. So is that because of the choices I make, or because men act differently with female friends? Hmmm..... not the subject of this blog, but an interesting question none the less.

Last weekend I was supposed to have my nieces sleep over. I had the flu instead. My Ashlyn was going to her first high school formal, with the girls, and she was coming home to me. I would get to see her in her beautiful dress, make some popcorn, take out the monopoly, and gab about boys and the dance the rest of the night. Instead I spent the night alone. Me, some popcorn, and Jane Austin.

First I watched "Sense and Sensibility", which I love. The Misses Dashwood were settled with their men and all was right with the world. Even though I don't really believe in it, I still love to dream about it, and watch it. Then lo and behold I realized that the version I got from the library had another disc! A whole other movie, called "Jane Austen Regrets", based on her letters. I loved it! Now, I am NO Jane Austen, but it seems our thinking runs along similar lines. We would like to believe the fairytale, we can even spin fairy tales for others to enjoy ( yeah...I'm no Austin) but neither of us really believes it. In the movie Jane's niece goes to her for advice on a man she (the niece) wants to marry. Jane basically tanks it with her cynicism. It was then that I realized I could very well do the same thing.

I want to be there for my niece, for all of them for that matter. Sometimes the young women at work will even ask me a question, or an opinion about men related things. I don't want to tank something inadvertently, because of my cynicism. I certainly don't want Ashlyn to grow up hating men. Although the thought of her going through even 1/4 of what I have upsets me greatly, the bliss of first love isn't something I would want to deny her. There's a fine line between insightful advise, and destructive cynicism. It's time for me to learn how to walk it.


I could have missed the pain
But I’d have had to miss the dance ~ Garth Brooks