A friend of mine called me last night, she has a teen age daughter, that we will call..... Erin, who is having an issue with a girl at school. They are on the same soft ball team, and this other girl is a captain. She apparently doesn't like the way Erin encourages and motivates (i.e. yelling to team mates during a game) the other players, and is talking about her behind her back, although it seems to be always where Erin's own friends can hear it. I should also mention that the coach encourages Erin to keep up the motivation.
My friend explained to her daughter Erin that the other girl feels threatened, and that is likely the reason for the behind the behind the back talking. This is very true. It's always the reason for behind the back talking. Jealousy, insecurity, etc. etc. etc. She was calling me to get my take on it, and to see if I perhaps had any insight on how to handle it. ( Me..... who was born without the "give a crap what other people think" gene.)
I do know how to handle this one, however. It works like a charm, and will usually fix the issue......one way or another. I actually had to do this a few years ago at work with another female teacher. NOT because I gave one rats ass what she thought, but because I wanted to flex a little muscle with her to remind them all not to mess with me. ;)
First of all, if Mommy gets involved at this point: A. It's going to make it worse. B. Erin wont learn how to handle her own situations. She's sixteen now, the big bad world is just beyond the horizon, she needs to start finding her own way. Girls are bitches. Women are bitches. That simple fact is never going to change.
How do you handle it? You confront her. Not only confront her, but make sure others are around to hear it. Nothing mean or nasty. It's very simple. " A lot of people have been telling me that you're talking about me behind my back. If you have a problem with me, I would prefer it if you took it up with me." Then just simply walk away. No drama, no fuss, no muss, walk away. One of two things will happen. She will be embarrassed and knock it off, realizing you are going to call her on her crap, OR she will say what's bothering her and you can talk about it. Most of the time it's the first thing. Plus the added bonus of showing others that you will call them on their crap.
On the off chance (because I don't know this other girl from Adam) the "B" word is flung at you, or something similar as you walk away, you can ignore it, OR turn, look her straight in the eye, say "Grow up" and keep walking. (We all know what I would do, but I've never had that happen.) Acting like you could give a crap is a HUGE part of what makes this work. Honestly not giving a crap is much better, but we were all teenagers once. I'm sure it mattered to me then.....
This has honestly worked for me every time I've used it. Although I realize that Erin isn't me. She's a much kinder, gentler soul,(which is why she hasn't really encountered this before) and confronting it might be too much. I encouraged her Mom to keep tabs on it, in case it escalates, because of course then she needs to get involved. It would be a shame for Erin to stop playing a sport she loved because one little snot is ruining it for her. I hope that isn't what it comes down to, because I'm sure that's what this other gal is counting on.
Softball anyone? Mommy shouldn't interfere......... but I'm pretty sure I know who this little girl's parents are........ mua ha ha. Ok, ok, I'll behave. :) *innocent smile*
My friend explained to her daughter Erin that the other girl feels threatened, and that is likely the reason for the behind the behind the back talking. This is very true. It's always the reason for behind the back talking. Jealousy, insecurity, etc. etc. etc. She was calling me to get my take on it, and to see if I perhaps had any insight on how to handle it. ( Me..... who was born without the "give a crap what other people think" gene.)
I do know how to handle this one, however. It works like a charm, and will usually fix the issue......one way or another. I actually had to do this a few years ago at work with another female teacher. NOT because I gave one rats ass what she thought, but because I wanted to flex a little muscle with her to remind them all not to mess with me. ;)
First of all, if Mommy gets involved at this point: A. It's going to make it worse. B. Erin wont learn how to handle her own situations. She's sixteen now, the big bad world is just beyond the horizon, she needs to start finding her own way. Girls are bitches. Women are bitches. That simple fact is never going to change.
How do you handle it? You confront her. Not only confront her, but make sure others are around to hear it. Nothing mean or nasty. It's very simple. " A lot of people have been telling me that you're talking about me behind my back. If you have a problem with me, I would prefer it if you took it up with me." Then just simply walk away. No drama, no fuss, no muss, walk away. One of two things will happen. She will be embarrassed and knock it off, realizing you are going to call her on her crap, OR she will say what's bothering her and you can talk about it. Most of the time it's the first thing. Plus the added bonus of showing others that you will call them on their crap.
On the off chance (because I don't know this other girl from Adam) the "B" word is flung at you, or something similar as you walk away, you can ignore it, OR turn, look her straight in the eye, say "Grow up" and keep walking. (We all know what I would do, but I've never had that happen.) Acting like you could give a crap is a HUGE part of what makes this work. Honestly not giving a crap is much better, but we were all teenagers once. I'm sure it mattered to me then.....
This has honestly worked for me every time I've used it. Although I realize that Erin isn't me. She's a much kinder, gentler soul,(which is why she hasn't really encountered this before) and confronting it might be too much. I encouraged her Mom to keep tabs on it, in case it escalates, because of course then she needs to get involved. It would be a shame for Erin to stop playing a sport she loved because one little snot is ruining it for her. I hope that isn't what it comes down to, because I'm sure that's what this other gal is counting on.
Softball anyone? Mommy shouldn't interfere......... but I'm pretty sure I know who this little girl's parents are........ mua ha ha. Ok, ok, I'll behave. :) *innocent smile*
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