One of the Guys

Last night I got to go out with the guys!  We headed over to Shultz' to watch the Badger game, and then enjoyed watching all of the Halloween revelers arrive in costume.  I even kept up pretty well with the drinking, but lets face it....... I'm not one of the guys. :)  At ten thirty I switched to pop, which was stupid.  When I got home I couldn't sleep, not from alcohol, but from too much caffeine.  Next time I'll go with water.  Maybe there will be a next time?  I behaved myself, and I don't think that they censored themselves too much.  They didn't need to at all for my benefit, I'm really hard to offend actually. 

A funny creeper thing happened, because it always does...... but this time it was a 30 something, 6'4 dressed in a baseball uniform, longer hair, sunglasses, SMOKIN HOT.  Funny how when someone like that decides to share half my bar chair and put his arm around me you don't hear the words "no touching".  *shrug*

So I'm watching the game, trying to talk over the crowd noise, and someone taps me on the shoulder.  I turn around and it's the hot guy.  He gives me a quarter.  I'm sort of intoxicated, so I'm confused (ok, I would have been confused anyway) say thanks? and he walks away.  This happens every time he comes up for a refill.  (I left the quarters for the lovely referee barmaids.......who were dressed more provocatively than the Superior Housewives at Aces, but WAITED ON US AND REMEMBERED WHAT WE WERE DRINKING EVEN THOUGH THERE WERE A HUNDRED PEOPLE PACKED IN THE SMALL BAR)  PS. You should go to Shultz', it's an awesome atmosphere.  Very friendly people.

Then Darrin and Brian left the bar to rummage for a pizza to cook (they are regulars enough to do that) and Mr. Baseball re-appears.  He just shifts me over in my chair, takes a seat and puts his arm around me.  I look up at him and say "Where's my quarter?"  He gets up, dumps all the change out of his wallet onto the bar, and snuggles back into my seat.  Puts his arm around me, gives me a squeeze, and then he's off into the night before the guys return.

I looked at Darrin and I said "I can't prove it, but this is what just happened."  Although there was a pile of change on the bar, and plenty of other witness' if I need them.

So I had fun being out with the guys.  Darrin and I always have a good time together, and I really enjoyed meeting his friend Brian, he's hilarious.  Then there's Mr. Baseball......  Come on.  You have to give me that one.  After all the weird creeper things that have happened to me in the last few months I was due.  Overdue. 

The cereal killer and the Bob Ross costumes really rocked!  There was also this hot hillbilly named Melvin....... who looked amazingly like my friend Melanie........ and I think I even had a Boomer Cummings sighting!  All in all, a great way to spend October 29th.  Thanks Darrin ♥ I owe you one.

Reminders

In five minutes yesterday I was reminded of a few cliche's that are absolutely true.


1. God will never give you more than you can handle.

2. You will find things out when you are meant to know them.

3. A lie of omission is still a lie.  (To me it's actually worse)

4. Love and hate are a double edged sword. 

A bigger lesson that I have learned along this journey called life, is that you need to forgive.  Being consumed by hatred for those people who have wronged you just isn't any way to function.  At least it isn't for me.  However, for now I can't do that.  I wrote The End.  on yesterday's post, and I had no idea how strongly I would feel that a few hours later. (Oct 29 just keeps on giving) Someday I might forgive it, but it isn't going to be today.  I am going to let myself feel all the anger I have built up.  I wont let myself strike back, although I do have some lovely ideas..........  

5. Whenever God closes a door, he opens a window.   (any time now would be good)

AND  my favorite........... straight from Scarlette O'Hara

6.  I can't think about that now.  If I do I'll go crazy.  I'll think about it tomorrow.  After all, tomorrow is another day.

Wallowing

That's what I'm doing this weekend.  Wallowing and having a pity party.  Just feeling sorry for myself in general, and actually that's o.k.  I knew this was going to be hard, I guess I just didn't know how hard.  I'm used to missing Sam, I'm used to her not being here all the time.  It's the forever part that I'm having a hard time with.  I said my good-byes the last time I had her here, just in case.  I sat by her side when she took her last breath.  I don't question the decision made. When Leon was wavering,  I had to remind him that he asked me to tell him when it was time, and it was, in fact, time.  There isn't anything I've left undone, so I have closure.

 I'm just heartbroken.

Moves Like Hannah

It's hard to believe that Hannah (Oh well)Noelle is eight years old today!  The time goes by so quickly.  You blink and they are walking, blink again and it's the terrible two's, turn around and they're starting school.  It seems to go even faster now that all the kids are in school full time.  Hannah is in second grade this year, and is "the smartest kid in my class."  It's possible.  She also thinks she is smarter than her fifteen year old sister.  It starts early.

For the first time I actually got to have the kids on one of their birthdays!  Hannah sent a message through her mother to me on facebook (she isn't allowed to have one yet) asking when they could stay over, and it lined up right for last night.  She chose Pizza Hut for dinner, and we actually went to the restaurant, which didn't turn out too badly, and brownie sundae's, by Auntie, for dessert.  "Can we have BOTH kinds of ice cream, PLEASE Auntie?"  Then we watched the movie "Hocus Pocus", which was a big hit for the little goovers.  Ash was out cold on the couch before eight thirty.  Hannah made it the longest and fell asleep around ten.

This morning she wanted hot chocolate, pancakes, and bacon.  We also watched Hocus Pocus again, which was mostly play time while it ran in the back ground.  Hannah and Caitlin also got to set up my fall village, and they had a good time playing with that.  We played some War, and Hannah taught me some new dance moves!  She is starting to become less shy, and more like the hurricane of her very young days.

Happy Birthday my baby!  I'm so glad that I got to spend some of your special day with you!  Love you with all of my heart!!!   ♫ I got the moves like Hannah, I got the moves like Hannah, I got the moooooooves like Hannah♫

Sweetie Girl

If you follow my blog, then you know that this gorgeous dog is Sam. Nothing I could write at the moment could do justice to what I'm feeling, but I need to say something.

The Brown Eyed Man and I had to put her to sleep today.  It was a hard thing to do, to say good-bye to such a sweet, loving, and giving girl, but it was time.  I was blessed to have had her in my life for the four years that I did, and blessed to be with her as she took her last breath.  I owed her that.  She is the thing that literally kept me sane after I lost both of my cats, my relationship, and the looming job loss last fall.  She was my peace, and my comfort, until I got strong enough to stand on my own again.  Always loving, and of course, bossing me around.  She was absolutely the best dog I have ever known.  Probably the best one I will ever know.

When Sam was with me, right from the beginning, we were always together.  We would spend a lot of time sitting on the front steps just watching the world go by.  I would talk, and she would listen.  Somehow just being with her could erase the pain.  She always knew when you needed her.  It was funny how sometimes he would come to pick her up and she would be glad to see him, but when it was time to go, she wouldn't.  She would come and sit by me and look at him as if to say "Not yet Papa, she needs me."  Then other times she couldn't get out the door fast enough, because she was his peace and comfort too.

I felt so sad watching him walk away this afternoon, without her.  Knowing that he had to go and face that empty house, alone.  I know what that's like, and it about did me in.  Of course Sam came to stay and made it better.

I will miss her so much, but I know it was the right thing to do, and the right time to do it.  She's in a much better place, running free with Hunter and Sadie, and guarding her water dish from Pepper.  Misty?  Well, even in heaven she probably still wont have anything to do with Sam. 

Thank you my Sweetie Girl, for everything you have done for me, and been to me.  I love you so much, and I will always cherish the years that we had together.  Thank you Leon, for letting me be a part of her life, sharing her with me, and allowing me to be there with her today.  You will never know how much it meant.

Good night puppy.   ♥ Mama