I have just clicked a link on the computer titled "Free Love Spells". This is what popped up:
*Love Spells-Powerful free spells cast for you-You can get all you ever dreamed of!
*Voodoo by Papa Jorge- Specializing in love problems.
*Grandma's Instant Love Spell Magic - Ancient "potent" love magic brings true romance and miracles.
Ooooh, I've got to see this one. (click) Hey, this Rose person will show me all of Grandma's insights to controlling magic energy, and I can "use the power to get anything I want"! Really??? For free?? Ok, sign me up for world domination, absolutely free. I mean.... to meet Mr. tall, dark, rich and handsome. Yeah, that's what I meant.
Ten minutes of sifting through a bunch of babble.... tell me how already!
Ah, here it is. "Witchcraft Academy in a Box". Well, I already have the pointy hat out in the garage somewhere.
Alright, this doesn't appear to be free. Anything "in a box" isn't free. Especially if it is "never before released". I'm guessing $19.95 , plus shipping and handling of course. Let's see what we get. A 399 page book called Mastering the Magic of Witchcraft Home Academy Manual. Lots of love spells included. Woohoo! How to choose your witch name. I'll take Malificent, thank you. She's my favorite, and one of these times she's gonna toast that stupid Prince Phillip! Money spells! Weather? I can control the weather??? Yikes, channeling spirits....no thanks.
Twenty minutes have now passed and I'm still scrolling and writing my thoughts furiously on a note pad. Several warnings about these love spells, telling you to use your ethics on whomever you choose.
Also included are a 7 dvd set of magic tutorials. Ok, maybe the price is $39.95. More ethics warnings. Which begs the question, could casting a love spell on anyone possibly be ethical? Aren't you forcing them to feel something they might not otherwise? Ok, this is just basically the aforementioned book on dvd.
Progress sheets, ah of course, we need progress sheets to plot world domination. Woot! Bonus gifts~ More books on love spells with the ethics warning AGAIN, another dvd, three other bonus blah, blah, blah. HOW MUCH DOES IT COST?
Uh oh, only available for a limited time. Which I probably wasted reading this. Did you know a personal Witchcraft instructor charges $50.00 an hour? Now, I'm thinking it's $99.95.
Three hundred and ninety seven dollars????? Hmmmm..... well, I guess if you consider the possibilities that isn't too bad a price for world domination, I mean true love. :)
The whole point of this is just to ask the question, would you make someone love you if you could? Would I? If you could have them with you, loving you and only you until the end of time, could you live with yourself knowing it wasn't real?
Sunday, April 25, 2010
I am a Cat
A few days ago I was reading a blog by a friend of mine, (Kelli) who posed the question "What kind of animal are you?" She has discovered that she is a frog. Yep, it fits. So then I got to thinking about it. What kind of animal would best describe me? Hmmmmmm......
My first thought went to a dog. I am loyal, friendly, happy, would have to be a smarter breed..... but no, it just doesn't quite fit. The unconditional devotion and selflessness that you find in a dog aren't qualities you will find to that extreme in me. So I took a look at the opposite of dog in my mind, which is cat.
I am definitely a cat. Not a purebred pampered thing, but a typical (overfed) house cat. I love to sleep, to play, and to snuggle. I am easily distracted, and can have a hard time focusing. "Look a bird! My dish is empty, oh, a bird!" However, when I'm locked on to something nothing gets by me. I would be an excellent mouser. Cats are graceful, and that doesn't fit so much, but then again, Pepper occasionally jumps up to somewhere, misses, and paws go flying all over.
Cats can be sneaky, finicky, and throughout history have been portrayed falsely as "evil". While I don't think sneaky really fits, although I do find out a lot of things I shouldn't know because of my stealth powers and bat ears, the finicky fits, and well..... the word evil has been used a few times in my direction. Irritate me on a bad pms day and you'll find out. lol I actually enjoy being thought of as evil, because people think twice before messing with me. However, if you really know me, you know it isn't true.
I love my "people", enjoy being with them, and am fiercely loyal. Unlike a dog, for the most part it's on my terms. That's the difference. I appear to have nine lives, and most importantly...... I always land on my feet. ;)
So think about it? What animal best describes your personality?
My first thought went to a dog. I am loyal, friendly, happy, would have to be a smarter breed..... but no, it just doesn't quite fit. The unconditional devotion and selflessness that you find in a dog aren't qualities you will find to that extreme in me. So I took a look at the opposite of dog in my mind, which is cat.
I am definitely a cat. Not a purebred pampered thing, but a typical (overfed) house cat. I love to sleep, to play, and to snuggle. I am easily distracted, and can have a hard time focusing. "Look a bird! My dish is empty, oh, a bird!" However, when I'm locked on to something nothing gets by me. I would be an excellent mouser. Cats are graceful, and that doesn't fit so much, but then again, Pepper occasionally jumps up to somewhere, misses, and paws go flying all over.
Cats can be sneaky, finicky, and throughout history have been portrayed falsely as "evil". While I don't think sneaky really fits, although I do find out a lot of things I shouldn't know because of my stealth powers and bat ears, the finicky fits, and well..... the word evil has been used a few times in my direction. Irritate me on a bad pms day and you'll find out. lol I actually enjoy being thought of as evil, because people think twice before messing with me. However, if you really know me, you know it isn't true.
I love my "people", enjoy being with them, and am fiercely loyal. Unlike a dog, for the most part it's on my terms. That's the difference. I appear to have nine lives, and most importantly...... I always land on my feet. ;)
So think about it? What animal best describes your personality?
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Tip Number Three
Welcome to the scattered clutter that is my mind! I write what appeals to me at the moment, and there is no rhyme or reason to the order of things. Even now as I attempt to write about tip number three there is a blog about my "being a cat" trying to sneak in here.
I don't know how I just glossed right over tip number three. I thought I mentioned it in during "The Dark and Foggy Night", but looking back I didn't see it. It is probably the single most important thing I will ever tell you:
Tip Number Three: ALWAYS HAVE A WAY OUT! This is where the cell phone comes in handy. I didn't have a cell phone at the time of the Perkins date from hell, it would have gotten me out of an icky situation quickly. I used this one on Aaron, and it moved things right along, although he is another topic to be sure. He's way out of "order" so I'll quit talking about him.
How to use this rule. Let someone, ANYONE know that you are going out to meet someone for the first time. Set a specific time for them to call you, lets say about a half hour into the date. If things are going well you pick up (always pick up or your pal may think you've been axe murdered) and apologize, saying this could be important. I am in no way advocating talking on your cell phone during a date. That is the definition of RUDE. However, this once it's alright. When you pick up the phone listen to what the caller has to say for a minute, and then you have to do a little acting. It's either, glad everything is alright. I'm out with *fill in the blank* so I'll call you back later. OR get a look of concern or panic on your face, and tell them you'll be right there. Figure out the fib prior unless you think REALLY well on your feet.
Lucky for me, and unluckily for her, my sister has a list of medical issues three miles long, and her daughter's is longer than that. It gives me an easy excuse if I need it. She is my backup. Except for Aaron, that was Elise and Ashlyn. Ashlyn really enjoyed the red suspenders....... Elise just enjoyed my pain. LOL
I don't know how I just glossed right over tip number three. I thought I mentioned it in during "The Dark and Foggy Night", but looking back I didn't see it. It is probably the single most important thing I will ever tell you:
Tip Number Three: ALWAYS HAVE A WAY OUT! This is where the cell phone comes in handy. I didn't have a cell phone at the time of the Perkins date from hell, it would have gotten me out of an icky situation quickly. I used this one on Aaron, and it moved things right along, although he is another topic to be sure. He's way out of "order" so I'll quit talking about him.
How to use this rule. Let someone, ANYONE know that you are going out to meet someone for the first time. Set a specific time for them to call you, lets say about a half hour into the date. If things are going well you pick up (always pick up or your pal may think you've been axe murdered) and apologize, saying this could be important. I am in no way advocating talking on your cell phone during a date. That is the definition of RUDE. However, this once it's alright. When you pick up the phone listen to what the caller has to say for a minute, and then you have to do a little acting. It's either, glad everything is alright. I'm out with *fill in the blank* so I'll call you back later. OR get a look of concern or panic on your face, and tell them you'll be right there. Figure out the fib prior unless you think REALLY well on your feet.
Lucky for me, and unluckily for her, my sister has a list of medical issues three miles long, and her daughter's is longer than that. It gives me an easy excuse if I need it. She is my backup. Except for Aaron, that was Elise and Ashlyn. Ashlyn really enjoyed the red suspenders....... Elise just enjoyed my pain. LOL
Friday, April 23, 2010
The Dating Scene
So.... I decided not to go out with the neighbor down the street. He isn't my type at all, and I would just be doing it to fill a void. That isn't fair to anyone, especially him. We all deserve someone who is with us for the right reasons.
Last weekend loomed big and boring, (this one appears to be headed in the same direction) so I decided to really take some time and look at the local profiles on singles net. This is the dating site I fool around with until I'm ready to take things seriously. When that time comes I'll take out a three month subscription to Match.com and get down to business.
As usual, what I found on the website pretty much horrified me. Except now there is the added bonus of online chat! You never have to pay to be a member because "flirting" is free, and if your flirt is returned you can just meet up in one of the chat rooms! Sweet!
The chat room could be a blog on it's own. I am immediately, helplessly drawn right to it. Back in 2000 I was fairly addicted to online chatting. It kept me company through the lonely nights leading up to and during divorce number one. Human nature fascinates me, and having the opportunity to meet people from all over the world and have the chance to figure out what makes them tick was just too good to pass up.
Anyway, the chat rooms are divided by state. Being a border girl I flip flopped between MN and WI for a good part of Saturday night and Sunday evening. I thought I would see people who were interested in each other pairing off by two's and chatting. I did this a few times, but everyone who wanted to chat was from southern WI or Illinois. What I really found is an established community of online chatters......uh oh.
It doesn't appear that most of them, the men anyway, are there to date. They are there to see how many yahoo addresses they can add to their "bedpost." It's all about cyber/phone sex, and I am not going there. That wasn't the point when I was a "chatter" before, and it certainly isn't now.
This is leading up to tip #4 Hold back on the personal information until your gut tells you it's right. We all have that little voice in our heads that tells us a situation isn't right. Some of us just need to turn up our internal hearing aids. Myself included. I made a stupid mistake just last night, giving out my cell # to someone I was a little leery about, someone I don't really know. Granted no personal info is on there, but after the fourth call I began to get a little uneasy. Hopefully the "don't ever call me again" was clear enough. I haven't gotten any calls since. Rookie mistake and I know better.
Personal information like your full name, address, etc shouldn't be given out until you are ready to meet. Even then I don't think he needs your address. Again, the voice will tell you if you really listen. I knew that Charlie and "The Brown Eyed Man" were "safe." I knew that Pete, Brent, and Aaron whom you've yet to meet, were NOT. David? Well, he is another story entirely. lol
So I met a few gentlemen, and was reminded of this little tip we'll call #5. If his profile says "self employed" 8 chances out of 10 he's UNEMPLOYED and living in the projects. I'm not being totally mean here, I've done the research. :)
I did meet a few interesting people, who inevitably wanted to exchange yahoo addy's. It's ok to do that with someone you don't know, IF you have a separate account that has no trace of your real name on it. (back to tip #4) Just don't look at the web cam. You've been warned!
I will mention that it wasn't all bad. Ok, everything was bad until I stumbled across Marc the other night. He appears to be sane, has a good job, home, kids, we like the same things, are looking for the same things........and he did not ask me to see a web cam, or if I had one. He lives in Wyoming MN, a little far away, but he appears willing to travel. He also appears willing to let someone be a part of his life too. So stay tuned dating fans! Yes, his eyes are brown.......
THE brown eyed man in my life has been around lately too. We've spent a little more time together, but the worlds best popcorn maker is no longer in my kitchen. That was sad, and will continue to be until my eyes stop looking for it on the dishwasher. I rearranged everything else, so it's ALL different, and that seemed to help. When he left with it there was only one tear, (which he did NOT see) so that's progress. Now if I could just find it in me to box up the rest of it and call him to come and get it.
Last weekend loomed big and boring, (this one appears to be headed in the same direction) so I decided to really take some time and look at the local profiles on singles net. This is the dating site I fool around with until I'm ready to take things seriously. When that time comes I'll take out a three month subscription to Match.com and get down to business.
As usual, what I found on the website pretty much horrified me. Except now there is the added bonus of online chat! You never have to pay to be a member because "flirting" is free, and if your flirt is returned you can just meet up in one of the chat rooms! Sweet!
The chat room could be a blog on it's own. I am immediately, helplessly drawn right to it. Back in 2000 I was fairly addicted to online chatting. It kept me company through the lonely nights leading up to and during divorce number one. Human nature fascinates me, and having the opportunity to meet people from all over the world and have the chance to figure out what makes them tick was just too good to pass up.
Anyway, the chat rooms are divided by state. Being a border girl I flip flopped between MN and WI for a good part of Saturday night and Sunday evening. I thought I would see people who were interested in each other pairing off by two's and chatting. I did this a few times, but everyone who wanted to chat was from southern WI or Illinois. What I really found is an established community of online chatters......uh oh.
It doesn't appear that most of them, the men anyway, are there to date. They are there to see how many yahoo addresses they can add to their "bedpost." It's all about cyber/phone sex, and I am not going there. That wasn't the point when I was a "chatter" before, and it certainly isn't now.
This is leading up to tip #4 Hold back on the personal information until your gut tells you it's right. We all have that little voice in our heads that tells us a situation isn't right. Some of us just need to turn up our internal hearing aids. Myself included. I made a stupid mistake just last night, giving out my cell # to someone I was a little leery about, someone I don't really know. Granted no personal info is on there, but after the fourth call I began to get a little uneasy. Hopefully the "don't ever call me again" was clear enough. I haven't gotten any calls since. Rookie mistake and I know better.
Personal information like your full name, address, etc shouldn't be given out until you are ready to meet. Even then I don't think he needs your address. Again, the voice will tell you if you really listen. I knew that Charlie and "The Brown Eyed Man" were "safe." I knew that Pete, Brent, and Aaron whom you've yet to meet, were NOT. David? Well, he is another story entirely. lol
So I met a few gentlemen, and was reminded of this little tip we'll call #5. If his profile says "self employed" 8 chances out of 10 he's UNEMPLOYED and living in the projects. I'm not being totally mean here, I've done the research. :)
I did meet a few interesting people, who inevitably wanted to exchange yahoo addy's. It's ok to do that with someone you don't know, IF you have a separate account that has no trace of your real name on it. (back to tip #4) Just don't look at the web cam. You've been warned!
I will mention that it wasn't all bad. Ok, everything was bad until I stumbled across Marc the other night. He appears to be sane, has a good job, home, kids, we like the same things, are looking for the same things........and he did not ask me to see a web cam, or if I had one. He lives in Wyoming MN, a little far away, but he appears willing to travel. He also appears willing to let someone be a part of his life too. So stay tuned dating fans! Yes, his eyes are brown.......
THE brown eyed man in my life has been around lately too. We've spent a little more time together, but the worlds best popcorn maker is no longer in my kitchen. That was sad, and will continue to be until my eyes stop looking for it on the dishwasher. I rearranged everything else, so it's ALL different, and that seemed to help. When he left with it there was only one tear, (which he did NOT see) so that's progress. Now if I could just find it in me to box up the rest of it and call him to come and get it.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
X husbands
Last Thursday I received a text message that went something like this: "You hear evil music when you see me?" Uh OH the x husband has found my blog. Little bit of panic sets in, what did I write? What ELSE did I write???? Something about the stewardess..... hmmm...... what to reply? So I sent back "Sometimes, and with good reason. Remember that is past tense." No reply.
When I got home I checked my Facebook and there was a message on there from him too. I have dial up and sometimes the messages don't come through for awhile. This was one of those times. By now I was fuming. How could he be mad at me for that one little line after everything he's put me through, and everything I COULD have written. I called my sister and ranted and raved, plotting my next blog topic......
Finally twenty minutes or so later I went into my email and read it from there. Then I had to eat some humble pie, and call my sister back to tell her what it said. The important part was "You missed your calling, you're a wonderful writer!" I was stunned, to say the least. I wrote back thanking him, promising not to be too harsh. lol Now I feel bad about wanting to write the stewardess story.....but probably not bad enough to keep it hidden away. After all, it is part of MY story, and I will only tell the pieces that pertain to me.
My x and I have a pretty good relationship. Three years have gone by since our divorce, and although there have been rough moments we still remain friends. Since we don't have any children together people always ask me why have any contact at all. The answer is a selfish one, for my own sanity. We were together off and on for almost 16 years, and when you spend so much of your life with one person it's hard to go "cold turkey" all at once. Months go by now without us talking, but we are still on good terms.
Another reason is forgiveness. I had so much anger built up inside it was threatening to rule my life, and I couldn't let that happen. Keeping him in my life, letting time heal some wounds and talking them out on occasion with him allowed me to let it all go.
So one private message to my X. Sparky, get my bike fixed or I will blog about you again. :)
When I got home I checked my Facebook and there was a message on there from him too. I have dial up and sometimes the messages don't come through for awhile. This was one of those times. By now I was fuming. How could he be mad at me for that one little line after everything he's put me through, and everything I COULD have written. I called my sister and ranted and raved, plotting my next blog topic......
Finally twenty minutes or so later I went into my email and read it from there. Then I had to eat some humble pie, and call my sister back to tell her what it said. The important part was "You missed your calling, you're a wonderful writer!" I was stunned, to say the least. I wrote back thanking him, promising not to be too harsh. lol Now I feel bad about wanting to write the stewardess story.....but probably not bad enough to keep it hidden away. After all, it is part of MY story, and I will only tell the pieces that pertain to me.
My x and I have a pretty good relationship. Three years have gone by since our divorce, and although there have been rough moments we still remain friends. Since we don't have any children together people always ask me why have any contact at all. The answer is a selfish one, for my own sanity. We were together off and on for almost 16 years, and when you spend so much of your life with one person it's hard to go "cold turkey" all at once. Months go by now without us talking, but we are still on good terms.
Another reason is forgiveness. I had so much anger built up inside it was threatening to rule my life, and I couldn't let that happen. Keeping him in my life, letting time heal some wounds and talking them out on occasion with him allowed me to let it all go.
So one private message to my X. Sparky, get my bike fixed or I will blog about you again. :)
Monday, April 12, 2010
Tip Number One
So let me take you back a few years, the time....hmmmm.....Christmas Eve 2006. The place, well I guess it was right here where I'm sitting now. My divorce was just weeks from being final, and I had been on my own for a couple of months. I remember having a wonderful dinner at my brother David's, his Mother in law brought prime rib. I was included in the presents, even got a new pair of jams like everyone else at the dinner. It was very sweet, and made the first Christmas on my own...EVER, much more bearable.
I came home from the dinner, put on my jams, went to Match.com and found a "wink" in my inbox. Winking is something they do, or you do when you want to get to know someone better. Charlie and I started chatting, and although he was in Hayward, which is a bit far for someone like me who can't deal with long distance relationships, we really hit it off. So Christmas Eve really wasn't spent "alone" at all. We exchanged phone numbers shortly after and talked a lot the week between the holidays.
Enter, my X. (evil music) He comes back into my life with dinner and loving words, and the ever present "I don't know what to do". So as usual I fall for it cause....hey, I loved the guy. (AND I AM AN IDIOT) If I had all the information available, things would have went very differently. I know we spent New Years Eve together, and I pushed Charley away, saying I wasn't ready for a new relationship.
Fast forward to Jan 17th, and the divorce goes through as planned. Miss 29 yr old stewardess (yes I know it's flight attendant) has come back into his life and we are through. Mind you, I did not know about her being in his life for who knows how long, until the middle of Feb. THAT in itself is the making of a fabulous blog. Karma is a beautiful thing.
Charlie called me on D day to see how I was doing, and we resumed our friendship. I chose to keep it at that, because I really wasn't ready to start dating, and the long distance thing. That is/was a mistake. I liked him, and the like continued to grow as time went on. When I was ready to try again he was involved with someone. So I had a date with Brent, and the date with Pete (shudder) in the meantime.
This gets us to the subject, tip one.... Meet fairly quickly face to face! I did this with Brent, and it was immediately obvious what he was after. Moving on..... then Pete, and we know what happened there. So now it's mid March, and I remember ranting about the Perkins date from hell to Charlie over the phone. A week later his relationship ended, and we made plans to finally meet.
Maybe two more weeks passed and Charlie came to town on a Saturday it had to have been early April. Since we had been talking for so long I broke tip #2 (Always meet somewhere neutral and very public.) I have broken that one other time (Brown Eyes - I knew people who knew him) BUT my neighbors upstairs knew someone was coming over, and I did not lock the front door after they came in.
I remember him bringing some pics of a trip he had just been on, and we sat visiting on the couch for an hour or so. Then he took me to Red Lobster, walking on the Lakewalk, and we came back here and watched a movie. Everything was very platonic. Somewhere around eight or so he mentioned leaving, and as he got up to go he suddenly grabbed me and planted one on me. I don't ever remember being kissed like that before, practically engulfed me, very aggressive, and I was confused as to how I felt about that. Did I mention he was a mini version of Dermot Mulrooney? *My best friends wedding* Those damn brown eyes get me every time. lol Anyway, I made good choices and a while later he went home.
Thank God I did keep control of myself because when we talked the next day it was " I don't feel the chemistry between us" from him. So basically he would have slept with me, and then I never would have saw him again. He didn't even continue the friendship. So four months down the drain, and then the heartache of feeling a bit for someone again and having it smashed. Not cool. Meet fairly quickly.
Now I must fess up. There is someone who wants to meet. I went into a free dating site and met someone who lives two blocks from me. lol So much for rule #2 again. He has asked me out twice now, and I give him the "I'm not ready" speech that I gave Charlie. I have been absolutely blunt, telling him I don't want to smack him on the rebound, because that's what's going to happen. He claims he's a big boy and can handle it. *sigh* It would help me move on. Stay tuned.
I came home from the dinner, put on my jams, went to Match.com and found a "wink" in my inbox. Winking is something they do, or you do when you want to get to know someone better. Charlie and I started chatting, and although he was in Hayward, which is a bit far for someone like me who can't deal with long distance relationships, we really hit it off. So Christmas Eve really wasn't spent "alone" at all. We exchanged phone numbers shortly after and talked a lot the week between the holidays.
Enter, my X. (evil music) He comes back into my life with dinner and loving words, and the ever present "I don't know what to do". So as usual I fall for it cause....hey, I loved the guy. (AND I AM AN IDIOT) If I had all the information available, things would have went very differently. I know we spent New Years Eve together, and I pushed Charley away, saying I wasn't ready for a new relationship.
Fast forward to Jan 17th, and the divorce goes through as planned. Miss 29 yr old stewardess (yes I know it's flight attendant) has come back into his life and we are through. Mind you, I did not know about her being in his life for who knows how long, until the middle of Feb. THAT in itself is the making of a fabulous blog. Karma is a beautiful thing.
Charlie called me on D day to see how I was doing, and we resumed our friendship. I chose to keep it at that, because I really wasn't ready to start dating, and the long distance thing. That is/was a mistake. I liked him, and the like continued to grow as time went on. When I was ready to try again he was involved with someone. So I had a date with Brent, and the date with Pete (shudder) in the meantime.
This gets us to the subject, tip one.... Meet fairly quickly face to face! I did this with Brent, and it was immediately obvious what he was after. Moving on..... then Pete, and we know what happened there. So now it's mid March, and I remember ranting about the Perkins date from hell to Charlie over the phone. A week later his relationship ended, and we made plans to finally meet.
Maybe two more weeks passed and Charlie came to town on a Saturday it had to have been early April. Since we had been talking for so long I broke tip #2 (Always meet somewhere neutral and very public.) I have broken that one other time (Brown Eyes - I knew people who knew him) BUT my neighbors upstairs knew someone was coming over, and I did not lock the front door after they came in.
I remember him bringing some pics of a trip he had just been on, and we sat visiting on the couch for an hour or so. Then he took me to Red Lobster, walking on the Lakewalk, and we came back here and watched a movie. Everything was very platonic. Somewhere around eight or so he mentioned leaving, and as he got up to go he suddenly grabbed me and planted one on me. I don't ever remember being kissed like that before, practically engulfed me, very aggressive, and I was confused as to how I felt about that. Did I mention he was a mini version of Dermot Mulrooney? *My best friends wedding* Those damn brown eyes get me every time. lol Anyway, I made good choices and a while later he went home.
Thank God I did keep control of myself because when we talked the next day it was " I don't feel the chemistry between us" from him. So basically he would have slept with me, and then I never would have saw him again. He didn't even continue the friendship. So four months down the drain, and then the heartache of feeling a bit for someone again and having it smashed. Not cool. Meet fairly quickly.
Now I must fess up. There is someone who wants to meet. I went into a free dating site and met someone who lives two blocks from me. lol So much for rule #2 again. He has asked me out twice now, and I give him the "I'm not ready" speech that I gave Charlie. I have been absolutely blunt, telling him I don't want to smack him on the rebound, because that's what's going to happen. He claims he's a big boy and can handle it. *sigh* It would help me move on. Stay tuned.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
A Dark Foggy Night
Yesterday I revisited the scene of the WORST coffee date ever. At least I hope that is how I will remember it, I certainly don't wish to top it. I had forgotten some of the finer points until I sat laughing about it with Vicki and Kate and a cup of tea just a few booths away from where it happened. Perkins didn't make much on our four hour gab fest last night, but it was a great time!
I have to go back a few years for this one. It was either early March or late Feb of 2007. My divorce had been final for over a month, and this was my second foray out into the coffee date universe. His name was Pete, he lives in Duluth, and we agreed after a few chats on the phone to meet for coffee at Perkins in Superior.
Online dating tip #1 Meet fairly quickly face to face. It's not good to get too attached over the internet and /or phone. Even if you see a pic, sometimes you still don't "gel" face to face. MORE IMPORTANTLY and the key to this particular coffee date, the pictures could be old and the subject is more in the background.
Now, I am not a snob. Really, I'm not. I do expect a few things on a first date however. Please dress cleanly and try not to wear sweats. Uh, and hair washing is NOT optional.
Online dating tip #2 Always meet somewhere neutral, and very public. Try to avoid dark foggy evenings if possible. At this point he does not need to know where you live.
So, we agree to meet at Perkins at a certain time and when I arrive there I notice a guy getting out of a MN car like the one he described as being his. I park quickly next to the car, hop out of mine and call "PETE"! It's windy and he doesn't hear me as he enters the building. Remember it's dark, and all I am seeing is him from behind.
I scurry along against the sleety wind and rush into the bright lights of Perkins, but nobody is standing there. The hostess station is also empty, so I proceed forward looking around for Mr. Pete. No one looks semi-familiar. Hmmmm.... a hostess approaches me and I say "I'm looking for someone, who just came in ahead of me." As we turn around to head the other direction to look, there he is. DUN DUN DUM I feel a gasp escape my lips before I can stop it. "Please tell me he didn't hear it!" runs through my head. I am shuddering now just thinking about him standing there. The thoughts were flying through my mind. "Run for it!" "Don't be rude!" "It's ok, it's just coffee!" "You can do this!" "No, I really can't!" "Help!!" "Oh, Mother don't fail me now."
So, I put on my best "Ruthie" smile and say hello.
The hostess seats us, and I'm making whatever inane small talk one makes in this kind of situation. So I order my coffee, and he orders DINNER. Just great. Not only does he order dinner, but he begins to try and haggle the price of his dinner with the waitress, at Perkins. "Please don't think I'm with him." "Please don't think I'm with him."
More small talk, and flirty talk from him. I'm trying not to gag, wondering how in the hell to get out of this. He is wearing sweats, his nails are dirty, teeth are yellow, and his hair....what there is of it, pieces are missing all over, is filthy. At some point he excuses himself to use the bathroom. I calculate how long it would take him to pee and how fast I can run to my car. Do I want him to run out into the dark foggy night after me? NO! My mother's voice is telling me I was raised better than that, so I stay put.
He returns, eats his dinner, complains about it, about the price, blah blah blah. I'm panicking the whole time about the walk to the cars. So we pay, and off we go into the dark foggy night. Of course there are NO other people in the lot. I make sure to put distance between us, and am light and chatty. We get to the cars and I thank him for the evening (mother again) and he leans in to kiss me. YES, he did. What in God's name ever gave him the slightest idea THAT was alright is beyond me. I thought fast, and swooped forward and hugged him. It is the best defense for something like that. Not a romantic hug, but a good ol bear hug. They don't expect it, then you pull back fast and move like hell! I was yapping about having a good time, thanks, yadda, yadda, yadda, in my car and gone in 5 seconds.
I remember checking the mirror all the way home to make sure he wasn't behind me. Called my sister and she had a good laugh. I was too traumatized to think it was funny then! This was before I had a cell phone. Cell phones are essential for online dating. I would have called Kate or ANYONE while he was in the bathroom and had them call back in 5 min with an emergency. That is tip #3. Always have an "out"!
I have to go back a few years for this one. It was either early March or late Feb of 2007. My divorce had been final for over a month, and this was my second foray out into the coffee date universe. His name was Pete, he lives in Duluth, and we agreed after a few chats on the phone to meet for coffee at Perkins in Superior.
Online dating tip #1 Meet fairly quickly face to face. It's not good to get too attached over the internet and /or phone. Even if you see a pic, sometimes you still don't "gel" face to face. MORE IMPORTANTLY and the key to this particular coffee date, the pictures could be old and the subject is more in the background.
Now, I am not a snob. Really, I'm not. I do expect a few things on a first date however. Please dress cleanly and try not to wear sweats. Uh, and hair washing is NOT optional.
Online dating tip #2 Always meet somewhere neutral, and very public. Try to avoid dark foggy evenings if possible. At this point he does not need to know where you live.
So, we agree to meet at Perkins at a certain time and when I arrive there I notice a guy getting out of a MN car like the one he described as being his. I park quickly next to the car, hop out of mine and call "PETE"! It's windy and he doesn't hear me as he enters the building. Remember it's dark, and all I am seeing is him from behind.
I scurry along against the sleety wind and rush into the bright lights of Perkins, but nobody is standing there. The hostess station is also empty, so I proceed forward looking around for Mr. Pete. No one looks semi-familiar. Hmmmm.... a hostess approaches me and I say "I'm looking for someone, who just came in ahead of me." As we turn around to head the other direction to look, there he is. DUN DUN DUM I feel a gasp escape my lips before I can stop it. "Please tell me he didn't hear it!" runs through my head. I am shuddering now just thinking about him standing there. The thoughts were flying through my mind. "Run for it!" "Don't be rude!" "It's ok, it's just coffee!" "You can do this!" "No, I really can't!" "Help!!" "Oh, Mother don't fail me now."
So, I put on my best "Ruthie" smile and say hello.
The hostess seats us, and I'm making whatever inane small talk one makes in this kind of situation. So I order my coffee, and he orders DINNER. Just great. Not only does he order dinner, but he begins to try and haggle the price of his dinner with the waitress, at Perkins. "Please don't think I'm with him." "Please don't think I'm with him."
More small talk, and flirty talk from him. I'm trying not to gag, wondering how in the hell to get out of this. He is wearing sweats, his nails are dirty, teeth are yellow, and his hair....what there is of it, pieces are missing all over, is filthy. At some point he excuses himself to use the bathroom. I calculate how long it would take him to pee and how fast I can run to my car. Do I want him to run out into the dark foggy night after me? NO! My mother's voice is telling me I was raised better than that, so I stay put.
He returns, eats his dinner, complains about it, about the price, blah blah blah. I'm panicking the whole time about the walk to the cars. So we pay, and off we go into the dark foggy night. Of course there are NO other people in the lot. I make sure to put distance between us, and am light and chatty. We get to the cars and I thank him for the evening (mother again) and he leans in to kiss me. YES, he did. What in God's name ever gave him the slightest idea THAT was alright is beyond me. I thought fast, and swooped forward and hugged him. It is the best defense for something like that. Not a romantic hug, but a good ol bear hug. They don't expect it, then you pull back fast and move like hell! I was yapping about having a good time, thanks, yadda, yadda, yadda, in my car and gone in 5 seconds.
I remember checking the mirror all the way home to make sure he wasn't behind me. Called my sister and she had a good laugh. I was too traumatized to think it was funny then! This was before I had a cell phone. Cell phones are essential for online dating. I would have called Kate or ANYONE while he was in the bathroom and had them call back in 5 min with an emergency. That is tip #3. Always have an "out"!
The Four Month Rule
We seem to emerge from the fog of new love during the fourth month of our relationship. The exact time isn't important, but you know what I mean. It's the point where reality starts to sink in. Your new man is either getting more comfortable and you're seeing his "real self" for the first time, (that's more of a girl thing I think) or more likely your blinders come off and you notice what's been in front of you all along.
The basic premise is that you should seriously re-evaluate your relationship at the four month point. If anything is "wrong", if there are any red flags, you should end it. Of course it isn't that simple, but maybe it should be. The times I have actually listened to my own advise and done this, it was for the best. I look back at those relationships now and wonder exactly where my brain was?
Now by "wrong" I don't really mean those cute little quirky things he does, or the toilet seat being up. If those things REALLY get on your nerves though, you should consider it. I'm referring to the bigger things, and the attitude we sometimes adopt toward them. Where huge psychosis are something "he can overcome with my help, love, and understanding." We think it's a phase that will pass and gloss over it. A leopard doesn't change his spots, a zebra doesn't lose his stripes, and I would bet you $5 that the thing you started to notice at four months is the reason your relationship tanked later.
I'd like some comment on this one, either here or on Facebook. Think back to your failed relationships and see if I'm right. Yes, the reason "The Brown Eyed Man" and I ended was HIGHLY evident at the four month point. It didn't matter to me then, but I knew it would be what ultimately ended us. Do I wish I had listened to my own advise??? The jury is still kind of out on that. On one hand I could have moved on with my life, on the other maybe this is exactly where I am meant to be right now. I try not to live my life with regrets, as I say to the kids at work, "You make your choices!"
The basic premise is that you should seriously re-evaluate your relationship at the four month point. If anything is "wrong", if there are any red flags, you should end it. Of course it isn't that simple, but maybe it should be. The times I have actually listened to my own advise and done this, it was for the best. I look back at those relationships now and wonder exactly where my brain was?
Now by "wrong" I don't really mean those cute little quirky things he does, or the toilet seat being up. If those things REALLY get on your nerves though, you should consider it. I'm referring to the bigger things, and the attitude we sometimes adopt toward them. Where huge psychosis are something "he can overcome with my help, love, and understanding." We think it's a phase that will pass and gloss over it. A leopard doesn't change his spots, a zebra doesn't lose his stripes, and I would bet you $5 that the thing you started to notice at four months is the reason your relationship tanked later.
I'd like some comment on this one, either here or on Facebook. Think back to your failed relationships and see if I'm right. Yes, the reason "The Brown Eyed Man" and I ended was HIGHLY evident at the four month point. It didn't matter to me then, but I knew it would be what ultimately ended us. Do I wish I had listened to my own advise??? The jury is still kind of out on that. On one hand I could have moved on with my life, on the other maybe this is exactly where I am meant to be right now. I try not to live my life with regrets, as I say to the kids at work, "You make your choices!"
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