What a glorious day! When I finished work at five I headed straight home, changed, tossed my hair up in a pony, slapped on my shades, and headed out for a walk! I love my first walk of "spring". Listening to the quiet winter neighborhood waking up, smelling that muddy new spring smell, the sound of the water gurgling along the streets from the melting snow banks. My ears straining to hear the kids joyous shouts while they play those crazy kid games, roller blades scraping along the sidewalks, and the sounds of basketballs thumping in driveways.
I heard all of these things within the first few blocks of my walk, and I was waltzing along to their tune when I saw her coming. From a block away I thought she was a man. Then I noticed something behind her. Is that a dog? It couldn't be, it's behind her. Wait no, that's an older lady..........and a bear! Ok, a huge dog. As we got closer the lady moved to the side and the dog came forward, right to me in fact. I froze. Certainly not out of fear, I'm not afraid of big dogs, and I am smart enough to tell which ones to approach and which ones to give wide berth.
The sweet old girl (Her name in fact IS Girl) ambled up to me with the exact old hip gait that my Sam had. While she was bigger, and some thinner, with short hair instead of long, she was the same mix with the same ears, and the same whiskey colored eyes. Somehow I kept it together and the lady was a talker, so I found out that she is also 13, the Same age Sam was last fall before........
So after chatting and lots of petting (She also did the same roll on the belly, hit me with her paw thing Sammy would do to me.) we went our separate ways. I was no longer smiling. I was angry, I wanted my dog and I felt like throwing the worlds biggest hissy fit, right there on John Avenue. I needed to scream, jump around, and smash something. Cue the inner voice: YOU CAN'T DO THAT, CRAZY PEOPLE DO THAT, AND THEY ARE GOING TO TAKE YOU AWAY. So I continued walking, but could feel the tears. DO NOT CRY. IT'S GOING TO BE AN UGLY, GUT WRENCHING SOBBING THING, AND THEY ARE GOING TO TAKE YOU AWAY. So I continued walking, and tried to concentrate on my breathing, but it wasn't working. GO HOME, GO HOME NOW. So I did.
I had left my car parked on the street so it would be easier to carry my laundry basket inside, so I got into it to put it in the garage. Instead I sat in it, yelling obscenities loudly. :) That helped a little til it triggered tears, so I quit.
I came in the house, had a good cry, and went into comfort mode. Hot bath, good book, and a nap. I woke up at EIGHT p.m. Now I"m eating eggs and blogging the rest of it out of my system. Although it never goes away. I miss all of them so much, and have had several reminders this past week of the terrible trio. The other things just brought a bittersweet smile, but this one tipped it. Toddlers definitely have the right idea. Throw yourself on the ground kicking and screaming til you just can't anymore. It doesn't solve anything, but I bet you feel a whole lot better inside. Even if they do take you away. :)
I heard all of these things within the first few blocks of my walk, and I was waltzing along to their tune when I saw her coming. From a block away I thought she was a man. Then I noticed something behind her. Is that a dog? It couldn't be, it's behind her. Wait no, that's an older lady..........and a bear! Ok, a huge dog. As we got closer the lady moved to the side and the dog came forward, right to me in fact. I froze. Certainly not out of fear, I'm not afraid of big dogs, and I am smart enough to tell which ones to approach and which ones to give wide berth.
The sweet old girl (Her name in fact IS Girl) ambled up to me with the exact old hip gait that my Sam had. While she was bigger, and some thinner, with short hair instead of long, she was the same mix with the same ears, and the same whiskey colored eyes. Somehow I kept it together and the lady was a talker, so I found out that she is also 13, the Same age Sam was last fall before........
So after chatting and lots of petting (She also did the same roll on the belly, hit me with her paw thing Sammy would do to me.) we went our separate ways. I was no longer smiling. I was angry, I wanted my dog and I felt like throwing the worlds biggest hissy fit, right there on John Avenue. I needed to scream, jump around, and smash something. Cue the inner voice: YOU CAN'T DO THAT, CRAZY PEOPLE DO THAT, AND THEY ARE GOING TO TAKE YOU AWAY. So I continued walking, but could feel the tears. DO NOT CRY. IT'S GOING TO BE AN UGLY, GUT WRENCHING SOBBING THING, AND THEY ARE GOING TO TAKE YOU AWAY. So I continued walking, and tried to concentrate on my breathing, but it wasn't working. GO HOME, GO HOME NOW. So I did.
I had left my car parked on the street so it would be easier to carry my laundry basket inside, so I got into it to put it in the garage. Instead I sat in it, yelling obscenities loudly. :) That helped a little til it triggered tears, so I quit.
I came in the house, had a good cry, and went into comfort mode. Hot bath, good book, and a nap. I woke up at EIGHT p.m. Now I"m eating eggs and blogging the rest of it out of my system. Although it never goes away. I miss all of them so much, and have had several reminders this past week of the terrible trio. The other things just brought a bittersweet smile, but this one tipped it. Toddlers definitely have the right idea. Throw yourself on the ground kicking and screaming til you just can't anymore. It doesn't solve anything, but I bet you feel a whole lot better inside. Even if they do take you away. :)
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