Here's another phrase that I have never really understood until now, being "blue" at Christmas time. I'm not sheltered. I have had loss in my life, and have had to learn how to re-tradition the holidays. I always miss my parents, my Grandma's, Aunt's, Uncle's, etc, etc,etc. There isn't a year that goes by without a tear or two upon hearing "I'll be home for Christmas." Heck, I've even been divorced and had to start my life over.....twice, but I have never felt like this. I have always decorated, found something else to focus on, and somehow dug up some holiday cheer.
I went to a Christmas party tonight with the girls, and some of their guys. It was a fun time, but I am really just going through the motions to please other people. I missed Leon terribly. It wasn't that I needed a partner at the party, I wasn't the only one without someone. I missed HIM being with me. Listening to him joke and talk with Don, his general goofiness, talking about it on the way home, etc etc etc.
When Misty died I turned Christmas over to my sister in law. I was just done. There have been a few brief moments of "Christmas Spirit" for me, but for the most part I just wish it was over. I feel like "Brick" from the show "The Middle". He whispers things under his breath, and I feel like that is what I'm doing every time I choke out Merry Christmas *bah humbug*. Happy Holidays *Go away*.
I was a pretty good girl this year, and I do believe that Santa is going to leave me a present under the gingerbread house. There isn't a tree this year. Milky the cat is coming to live with me tomorrow. Yes, she needs me. * I need her more*
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