The Milk Report

Hi! It's me. The famous "Got Milk." Yeah, well, you can't help the name you get saddled with, and my new owner doesn't call me that anyway. From now on it's Milkie. Got it?

I'm not really sure why I've come to live with the lady who used to visit me in the country. Heck, I'm not sure why I went to live with that mountain man last summer. I have to say though, I get a lot more attention these days. My new Mom always leaves the blinds open so I can look out on my world. The box is clean, the bowls are full, and I'm never left alone at night. She has no life. This human will even play with me when I ask her to. She's learning that it's all on my terms, so even though she keeps closing the damn toilet lid so I can't drink out of it, I think I'll keep her.

I tried to escape again today. My run at the door as fast as I can trick never works, so this time I just nonchalantly wandered on out. I really just want to know what's out the back door. Where do those stairs go? Why does Sam (that damn dog) get to go out there with the lady, and I have to stay in the house? She caught me again and put me back in. Bitch. I don't understand what "Damn it Milkie if you get lost in the creepy basement walls you are on your own." means. *shrug* I'll try again tomorrow.

I am a little concerned because I hear the goovers are coming over on Saturday. The one named "Tater" thinks "I am so adorable it makes her eyes want to cry." If she tries to cuddle me they'll be crying all right! I like to snuggle up to the one called Hannah. She's a gentle girl. If I get lucky one of them will leave the toilet seat up! I check every time strangers are over, cause I'm a smart kitty.

My favorite things to do these days? The best fun is the 5 am wake up call. Every morning at 5 I bang around with the bag of litter until it wakes up her crabbiness. Then when she tries to go back to sleep I jump in the bathroom sink and clank the drain stopper around until she gets up, boots me out, and shuts the door. Buzz kill. I like playing with my new Mom, a lot. I stalk her, and she laughs like crazy when I lay on my back and let it all hang out. What? It's comfy! Plus, it lulls people into a false sense of security. When they go to pet the adorable kitty's belly........

Speaking of biting, I am learning that Mom and I can play and I don't have to bite to join in the fun. It's taking me a long time to adjust, but "no biting" is becoming clearer every day. I just cant resist the slipper though. I will bite it every time. It isn't like my teeth go through to her foot or anything. I don't know why she gets mad.

Life is good, although I keep hearing that now that we're settled in my diet will be changing. I don't know what the problem is, I like my girlish figure! Last time she vacuumed I peed on the floor, and my new Mom hasn't been brave enough to do it again. Wait til you see what happens if she puts me on a diet! Stay tuned Milk fans!